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female
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*oxo07
writes: Hi, I have a question I need a lot of help on. I'm in a 3 year marriage thats been somewhat rocky.theres been lots of fighting,but we love eachother very much and we have a son but theres always been this problem my husband once in a while wont come home and will come home the next day from being out drinking all night with his buddies or family, he has a huge family and they all love to drink.sometimes he'll go months without doing it, he does it at random times when everything seems fine, how do I get him to stop?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2006): Dear, I don't know if you can stop this? You say "but there's always been this problem..." So does this mean you married this man, then had a child with him-- knowing he liked to drink, randomnly with friends/family? Plus, you knew that his family were heavy drinkers? This is what he was exposed to, likely most of his formative, growing-up years. Basically, his family shaped who he is and how he deals with the world, around him. He has lived his life with this deeply, ingrained habit. Because he has this randomn drinking habit, he will fight tooth and nail, not to change it for anyone's sake. If he hasn't done anything about it up until now, and knowing how you feel about it, he is not ready. He may never be. What's happening is he is clinging to this separate, side life away from you. He's not prepared to make the changes to improving the marriage. All I recommend is you communicate to him how this makes you feel. But for him to change a long standing drinking habit, will take monumental efforts and a ton o' energy on your part. If that doesn't work, you may have to make a decision to back away from him, until he comes to his senses and make appropriate changes to his lifestyle. I would like to give you more encouragement, but in all honesty, I can't. Perhaps seek some advice on this from a family counselor in your area or seek some spiritual pastoral counseling..they may have some insights and guidance to share with you. Good luck, dear.
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (28 September 2006):
 Have you tried talking to him and telling him how you are feeling and how this is effecting your marriage?
I would also tell him it isn't him drinking its him drinking too much thats the problem as alot of people don't like to feel they are being told they can't do something.
He won't know what your going through until you tell him.
Good luck :o)
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