A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a married mother of 4. My husband and I have been together for over 6 years and married for 1 year. We have 3 children together and I have one from a previous relationship. She is 9 years old and has a small handicap / disability if you will. She is also a difficult child to deal with yet I feel that has to do with her disability. My husband is the best father in the world to our 2 youngest. However, with my child and our oldest, he treats them differently. Coldly. Actualy he hates my daughter, he says it's the things that she does that makes him treat her like a step-child. I am really rethinking my marriage. He's told me before that she would be the reason we break up. My problem is that I am a stay at home mom with no income, and he's said in the pass that if we were to split, he would take my 2 youngest ones. I don't know if I could function without all my children, but I don't know if I could provide for them either. I also don't have a license and depend on him way more than I'd like to (I am very independent, or use to be). He won't do counciling, he says there is nothing wrong. He also has a 16 year old daughter he hates that he's hardly done anything for, and I feel as I car more for her than he does, well, I know so. He gives her no support monetary or emotionaly, and that hurts me as well. But I don't want to ruin my childrens chance and have their parents together. I am so torn. Any suggestions or comments??? :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your resposes. We obviously need to talk. I really want my marriage to work, but all my kids need to feel loved in order for that to happen. Thanks!!! ;)
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 September 2007):
 OK, lets focus in a few different areas. You look at keeping your family together, that's a great wish, but doesn't always work. He acts crappy because a child acts up. So who's the adult and who's the child?
Your husband has some major control issues, using the kids against you, saying he would take them away. The correct answer to his treating the child less than the others is "his choice". No body can make anybody behave anyway they don't choose to behave.
Let me ask you this, what would be better for children: Growing up in a home with a happy single parent, or growing up in a home with both parents, but one acts cold and the other one is not happy?
A child can NEVER be considered a reason for breaking a family up. Is he Mr. Cop out or what???? If you broke up, it wouldn't be about the child either, it would be directly related to his behavior, that he chooses to display. He needs to grow up and be a man. His behavior toward your child and his oldest is uncalled for. I know around here and being in the legal field myself, it would be a cold day in hell before a judge would award him custody. It's funny how they care more about the well being of the children's physical and mental growth than they do about the income someone has and doesn't have.
I hope everything works out for you, I would rethink the marriage. I would talk to your daughters doctor, if she has one for her behavioral issues and ask him if your husbands behavior toward her could be partial or total cause of the negative behavior she's displaying. The answer just may surprise you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): If he loves you then he should also love the child you had before you were with him. Your daughter is a part of your life and always will be. Your husband had to know and accept that when he married you. All families have problems. I know its not easy to raise children. But, If he can't love and accept your daughter than you shouldn't be with him. I understand that you don't want to break up your familly for the sake of your children. But you deserve to be happy too and so does your first child
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