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male
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I had a relationship for 3 months with a girl whom I met on internet. I am 23 yrs of age and I just started chatting casually with a girl who was introduced to me by one my friends. Initially I was not very much interested in chatting but this girl started craving for it and started fixing appointments with me to chat online. Actually I fancied trying to make a girl fall in love over the internet as I saw my friends doing the same. I started complying to her demands more and more and spent lots of time chatting with her. We even exchanged phone calls that lasted for hours and we dated once. In some of the most intimate conversations we had, I felt as if I was the most needed person in this world (by her). I lost all my social life with friends, family and even stopped concentrating on my studies. All I could think of was her. We exchanged our pictures then and that made me a bit less interested in her as I didn't find her much attractive. So I started making myself distant from her. Once this happened, I realized that this girl was just using me to meet her needs in loneliness. There was no honesty in her conversations or her feelings. I was shocked. I felt it was good that I pulled away before going further close or making a move as I would have been highly disappointed in that case. But I did develop some feelings for her. This made me feel a bit heart broken and I almost insulted her on phone when I realized her fakeness. It has been quite a time since then and I am finding it difficult to trust a women in my life, may it even be my mother. In fact, deeply inside, I am scared of their intimacy as I feel it's all fake and they just play games to meet their needs. I have stopped thinking about having any sort of relationship with a women and am just trying to concentrate on my career. Lately there were few women who showed interest in me or made moves to come close but I just keep avoiding them.Is there any way I can start trusting women again?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (5 August 2005):
Join the club! :D Happened to me many times...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2005): I suggest..you stick to dating in the real world. Don’t internet date, anymore—it's way too hard to judge honesty, integrity and the character of the person on the other end. The computer provides a smoke screen for hiding things like what happened with you (re: her looks). Like a good friend told me once: Internet dating=the good, bad, ugly and risky! I am amazed that you would blame her for all your troubles with trusting women. She was just ONE woman..there are very good , trustworthy, amazing women out there! You just have make better choices and start using your smarts a bit.
You made the choice to speak with her via the interent to start with, hoping to "make her" fall in love with you?? You allowed it go further and further, to the point where "you" became quite enamored with her. You did not use your smarts, guy. Then when she wasn't quite what you expected, after viewing her picture, you became rather indignant like she did something wrong to you? Did it not occur to you to ask her for a picture right off the start? As shallow as it is, physical attraction is important to a lot of people..perhaps you should have known what you were getting into before you let it go this far. You should've asked for a picture upfront, right off the bat..and if she wouldn't produce a pic...then that is a clear indicator she may not be what she claims to be. So stop being angry over this. Start being effective..and move on with your life and start dating women that you can see, smell and touch. And quit your whining that you can't trust women now...start making better choices in your life and use your head and open your mind...not all women are like her!
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