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female
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anonymous
writes: I have a problem. I've known my new guy friend for about 8 months now and he happens to live 7 hrs away. We used to get along great, called each other all the time and we were intimate once. Well my birthday was just passed and I had a party to celebrate. He called me two weeks earlier to confirm he was coming. Well needless to say he never showed up, didn't call or anything. It's now been 6 days and I still haven't heard from him. I've tried calling and emailing and still no response. This is not like him. So what do you think could have caused his actions? It's driving me crazy. Please help..r/sconfused Reply to this Question
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female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (20 August 2005):
It's a possibility that he didn't intend to come to the party. Saying yes was probably easier for him than turning down the invitation and then having to explain why. Perhaps he feared confrontation, or did not want to feel responsible for letting you down on your birthday.
I also think that you and him had different expectations and views of the "relationship"- obviously you have regarded the relationship as a close one, albeit with the distance. He may have underestimated the strength of your feelings towards him, and not realised that you would be hurt by his absence.
It is very easy to engage in a "virtual" relationship with texting, calling emailing and soforth. However, it is miles removed from a proper, true physical relationship (one night out of eight months does not constitute a physical relationship). The figure on the end of the telephone line or sitting at the computer can be your fairytale prince. The other person can choose what they say, and to an extent who they are. And it takes far less effort.
However, his deliberate snub and refusal to reply to your messages indicate that he is not interested in engaging in a relationship. The reality of meeting all your friends and family may have put pressure on him. If this is the case, would you want to date a man who cannot get along your loved ones? He may be scared that he doesn't live up to your expectations in the flesh. Or he may have simply decided that he isn't ready to maintain a distance relationship right now.
All this aside, the fact that he hasn't given you the common curtesy to even reply to your messages suggests that he considers the "relationship" finished. It is also indicates that he is unable to handle confrontation. Deep down you know that he isn't right for you. And his recent actions support this.
I'm sorry to say that there's nothing more you can do, other than coming to terms with the fact he isn't relationship material and getting on with your life.
All the best
A
reader, pops +, writes (20 August 2005):
He's found someone else, who is closer. Move on with your life.
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