A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend now for over a month and am upset with him for the first time. We had made plans to spend the evening together and I was catching up on homework so I could give him my attention. When he finally called me 3 hours after he said he would he asked if I still wanted to hang out. I had taken the time to look good so of course I still wanted to see him. He said he would go home, shower and call when he was on his way over. An hour later I finally got a call from him saying that he was to tired to go anywhere. He asked if I was going to be too upset if he didn't show up. Naturally this irritated me and due to the stress from my class added on top I said that it was his loss not mine. We talked for a while and I was taking some cheep shots every once in a while but even though I was truly upset about the matter I just kept laughing about it, I think because I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to tell him that I had made myself look nice because I was going to see him but I could bring myself to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I am willing to get all dolled up for him. I have some serious pride issues and have had my pride injured before so I'm very protective of it. I have also had a bad past experience with men and am very gaurded. I would like to open up to him and tell him that I am upset about the situation and just open up in general but I seem to always say some sort of loaded statment and when he asks about it I always say that I don't wanna talk about it right now. I find myself rehearsing how and when I will tell him something about myself but every time I get into a situation where I could say something I start second guessing myself, thinking that it is too early in the relationship to be telling him the gaurded secrets that I have. So, I guess my question is what is a good way to keep yourself from chickening out of opening up to your boyfriend? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): I'm exactly the same with men generally. At the moment I'm a couple of months into a new relationship and the other day I finally started to open up to him. What happened was he asked me something semi-personal about myself, I answered then took a really deep breath, steeled myself, left a fairly long pause and finally asked him (in as playful a way as possible) what other things he's been wondering about me. So we started a little Q and A session and honestly I found it much easier to open up a bit when I was just answering questions. Plus you will find out how much he's been wanting to know more about who you are which will hopefully give you more confidence in speaking up too :) Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): Haha....this is funny, I use to do the same thing to my girl, and she would be upset at me and take some pretty tough shots, but we would just end up laughing because we care about each other. Hey just tell him about what you feel, the more you hold it in, it gets worse, trust me because I did the same thing and the results turn out bad, so if he is understanding, than he will do his very best to please you, and you'll do your best to please him, so go ahead and tell him, your a strong girl, with a good heart and I know everything will work out for you both, plus it has been a month, give yourself time to develope some feeling for each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): I've chickened out on opening up to my boyfriend before, plenty of times, and we ended up breaking up because he felt that I didn't like him as much anymore and vice versa. When you don't open up and share something about yourself, you run the risk of breaking up, because him or you could feel like there's nothing there to keep each other interested anymore. Luckily for me, he wanted to try again, and I decided I wasn't going to chicken out anymore.
You know the feeling you get when you say you're gonna do or say something to him, but you back out of it instead? Well idk about you, but I hated that feeling at the end of the night, after he would leave. So I forced myself to say it, no matter how bad or good it may have ended up. You just gotta push yourself a bit. Only share whatever you feel comfortable with sharing and ask him, too, if he's had the same experience or whatever. You know? Don't just share about you, but share about him too. Yes, there is the risk of being rejected, but sadly we don't have the powers to see the future. We can only live and learn.
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