A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My wife of five months wants to leave me. We met two years ago at work and were just friends until we got married. I took her in with her three kids and I have been trying to provide for them as she had to quit her job to move with me to a different town. In the last three months she has been asking for us to end the marriage, says she's unhappy and is not really in love with me. I love her and I want to do everything to keep her. I am worried because we hardly talk and are not even intimate anymore. She says she has no desire to have sex, she's bored and lonely, and she thinks this was a mistake as she cannot fit into my lifestyle. She's young, pretty, fashionable and very lively. But she seems very withdrawn these days. She had therapy on her own and I hoped that would have helped her turn to me. It didn't. I believe if she allows me make love to her again things will go back to normal. Her kids are toddlers, I have three teenagers from a previous marriage but they live with their mother. I don't want a second divorce and it is also too soon. I need help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010): Thanks for your answers everyone. Marialatin, in fairness to her, she does accept a lot of responsibility for the hastiness in the decision to accept my proposal to her and move on without thinking things through. She has been very depressed with the situation now for many months and her emotional state is really affecting me. My only saving grace is that my work is extremely demanding so I fully occupy myself that way. I tried to talk to her again and she maintains that she wants to end the marriage as it is not what she really wants. We now live in a very small community now and I am worried about stories going around when the separation finally happens.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): I posted the original question. I sold myself as able to offer her security and stability. She truly is attractive and we have fifteen years between us. In our first month of marriage she was already complaining that we were not having enough sex, since we only did it three or four times a week. I asked her to bear with me. The problem is that I get excited and do a lot of foreplay with her but very soon into intercourse, I become limp or ejaculate prematurely. She is visibly unhappy and says she liked me but was never really in love. I did pressure her a little into the marriage as she had initially said no. I really love her and want to do evrything to keep her. She told me her major problem now is informing the kids that the marriage is over. We all had to move leaving all their friends and familiar surroundings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): It seems like you're throwing in all the effort to make this work and she isn't. Look. It doesn't matter how many times you divorce as long as you end up with the right person for you in the end. Don't put a tag on it. She seems like a very impulsive woman, who made the decision to quit her job and move in with you without really thinking about it. Now it turns out her fairytale isn't working out, she wants out--just like that. Well, I don't think it's easy to get things rolling again and I doubt that's even desirable. I know you love her. But if she's out of love already, this marriage doesn't look very promising.So, talk to her. Tell her you've heard her complaints, but not the reason behind them. What made her change her mind? Why is she so withdrawn? Tell her you want to look for a solution with her, even if that means divorce, but that you're not ready to give up on this marriage without knowing the real reason she's feeling unhappy. If she's closed off, tell her that this attitude isn't going to land her a happy marriage in the future, if that's what she has in mind. 5 months is awfully quick to fall out of love. The average teen relationship lasts longer than that.
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