A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Where to start... My now husband and I have been together for a very long time, since I was 14... I'm 21 now... we have been married for almost 4 years now, and have two beautiful children that are my life. I don't really know what happened, but it's to the point now where my husband treats me like a child. I take care of everything for the family, cooking, cleaning, shopping, school, ect... He doesn't help me out with anything, and seems like he doesn't appreciate me at all, this wasn't always the case. He doesn't look at me the way he used to, and the only time he wants to touch me is when he wants to "get off"... He kisses me only because I ask for it, and it's just a peck. Is it so bad to want to feel like I'm his world?! I fear that he has cheated on me... He goes out all of the time, because he needs "him time", but yet I have never been out, and when I bring it up, he plays a guilt trip on me, and I end up not going because I don't want him to feel bad. I'm the type of person that will put aside my feelings for everyone else to be happy. About 5/6 months ago I started a new job, and became really good friends with this guy that works there. He's so sweet, and kind to me. He's a classic gentelman, opening doors, carrying my things, pushing in my chair, ect... We get along so well, and I started haveing these overwhelming feelings for him, and him for I. We have almost everything in common (my husband and I rarely do). He's opened my eyes to so much, and when I'm around him I want to be a better person, I want more! He makes my heart stop when I look into his big blue eyes, and I find myself trying to find ways to see him more often. He complements me, and love all of my flaws, I have yet to find his. As time went by we've became extreamly close, and the more I'm around him, the better I feel about everything! I found out my husband cheated on me, and that was the last straw. I left him. I know what I wanted, so I went to my friend. He is so perfect for me! When he kisses me I can hardly breathe, and we treat eachother so well! Everything seems to going well, except I keep thinking about my husband. Everynight I dream about him, and I constantly think about him during the day. I started talking to him again, and he is different. He's realized how he's treated me was wrong, and that I deserve better... the other problem is, now they are both great guys, that love me, and want the best... They both say do what I need, as long as it makes me happy. With my husband I have a whole family, house, and stability, but I worry about what if this happends again... Then with my friend, I know we are perfect together, and I would be happy for the rest of my life, but I'll have to start over, and split my family. I just don't know what to do...
View related questions:
cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 Your marriage was in a slump. Neither of you were taking the correct steps to fix it. You said you found out your husband cheated. Based on your own statements, you were cheating too and that was before you knew about your husband was up to.
You made a HUGE mistake when you began to open up to this other guy. At that point, your focus shifted toward him and your husband paled in comparison. You jumped on to the slippery slope. Instead of taking care of business at home, you went in the opposite direction. So now you have to make a choice. I'd say that you should go with your husband. If he's ready to be a better man, he's the one to go to. He's the father of your kids and you have history with him.
The other guy never wanted what was best for you. He wanted what was best for him. Don't kid yourself about that. That was a greedy choice on his part, to go for a married woman. You made it easy though, by divulging all your personal information concerning your troubled marriage. He played the role of the knight in shining armor. Do you see my point? It's very difficult to be impartial about someones love life when you want to be the one that person chooses. The other guy had a reason to hope your marriage failed. That isn't exactly nice.
You don't know what the future will hold. If you decide to stay in your marriage, you should get some couples therapy to get on the right track.
A
female
reader, iAintYourAunt +, writes (16 February 2008):
 If you find out he's cheating, I think you would be better off without him. BUT, this is hard to say, but if he isn't beating you or you don't catch him cheating, etc.. I don't think your happiness is worth the happiness of your children. I'm quite sure you think that too.
...............................
A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (16 February 2008):
Your gambling either way, with the husband he might go back to his old ways and the new guy well im sure he has his own set of problems that will spring up eventually. No one is perfect! Almost sounds like mr. right is gonna turn out to be a rebound I mean you keep dreaming of your husband this has to mean something dont it? best advise follow your heart. sorry im not much help on this one.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 February 2008):
 You actually have the "what if" on both sides. With the new guy you can't say for sure if it would work out. You haven't had the test of time with him.
All I'll say is keep the children in mind when making your dicision. This is going to have to be your decision. I don't give advice on these where children are involved reason being is you're making a decision that either way will affect your children, and I don't want to be blamed later on for someone making a decision where a negative affect on the children was a result of that.
...............................
|
