A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for just under a year now and am just wondering if I am staying in this for the wrong reasons. Two years ago I dated a guy for a month (he went back to his ex) who was insanely passionate. He would sms me all the time and call me two-three times a day just to chat. We would talk for hours. I am more of a listener and so it would often be him talking, but not in a self-centered way. He would get my jokes and we'd have a good giggle. My current b/friend is a darling - sweet, thoughtful and caring. However, he is not much of a talker and sometimes doesn't see the point in getting into huge discussions, over anything much. He also has some physical things going on for him and so is often quite introspective. As we can both tend to be quite quiet, I find myself wondering if this is a relationship worth being in? The things is, he is genuine you know. He doesn't feel like he has to talk for hours to show me his love. He is committed to me and wants us to spend our lives together, but I wonder if this is going to be enough? We have fun together and I do love him but, I often find that I can't just be in the moment with him, because I wonder if the above mentioned "problem" is a sign that he is not for me? I do like silence and am quite introspective myself, but I also like to discuss and banter about things, which we don't often have. Any ideas? I have never been in a relationship for this length of time, so I have no idea of what is normal or not, other than referencing to a few past short-term r/ships where there was lots of talking. However, would that have changed over time if we were in the relationship for longer? If he offers me love, security, unconditional acceptance, respect... do I want to risk losing that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your most thoughtful of responses! That is pretty much along the lines I have been thinking and the more I put my fears/concerns (usually driven by cultural/societal expectations aside) the more deeply in love I fall for him too... if he can love me as I am, so fully and deeply, how beautiful if I can afford him the same.
I hope you have the luck of sharing the same in your life.
It would be lovely to still hear more views, so please keep em coming agony aunts and friends :-)
A
male
reader, Rajesh Nair  +, writes (9 April 2009):
 It's simple - you have a person who you feel is perfect for you, except for one trait of his, which you feel could have been different. Introspect. Analyze how important is it for him to be the way you want him to be. Is this difference going to matter in the long run? Do you see any problems arising due to this? If yes, you may always discuss this thing with him.
Since the guy is genuine, and he loves you unconditionally, he may be more than willing to adapt, in case you mention it to him. You do not need to loose him for this. Discuss it with him. You would surely be in a much more comfortable position, about the whole thing.
Remember, love isn't all about similarities. It's also about making your differences click together...
All the best. Cheers :)
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