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female
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anonymous
writes: Ok so my best friend gave this guy my phone number and I've been talking to this guy on the phone since mid-April. I'm 17 and he's 19. He asked me out a month later after meeting me for the first time (I live a hour away from him). I said yes, but for some reason he told me to call him back later that day and he didn't call me back for three days. He called late that night (drunk) to complain about some girl he just broke up with. So going along with it, because I'm horrible at confrontation, I consoled him even though it broke my heart. Ever since then we've just been good friends and I've seen him maybe twice in these six months. Lately, like the last two weeks he's been calling me honey, and telling me he really loves me, but I don't believe him because he's really bad at relationships and I think he just wants me to feel bad for him. When he's feeling down I'm always the first person he calls to help him out and he calls me sweet and loving...blah blah blah. The other day he told me he was writing me a letter and I know the only reason he writes letters is because he likes the person. My question is (sorry for the long post) when I recieve this letter should I allow him in my life as more than a friend? Because before it didn't work out and I really don't know what to do. Thanks!
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female
reader, misztoria  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Hey guys, this is the original poster of this post. I just wanted to thank you for replying to my question. Both of you made a lot of sense and I've decided to keep my distance from this guy. I realize (like Herr Professor said) that I feel sorry for him but I won't allow him to mess around with my feelings anymore. Because I waited around for this guy to ask me out again I missed an opportunity to be with a great guy and I kick myself everyday for it. Again thank you for the advice, it was well recieved. :)
Take care.
Love- Victoria
A
male
reader, Herr Professor +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Let's look at this logically.
He asked you out, and then went AWOL for three days. When he turned up, he was drunk and needed consoling because he had just broken up with somebody else, which meant he originally asked you out while he was still involved. You say that you've seen him twice in six months, yet he's telling you that he loves you? Good grief!
You got the blah, blah, blah part right. He turns to you because you're probably the only person who will put up with his whining, and he'll exploit that for all it's worth.
No, I don't think you need this guy in your life as more than friend, especially since he doesn't sound as if he's even very good at THAT.
You sound like a very intelligent, caring, sensitive young woman. Find yourself a fellow who will treat you with love and respect, sweetie. Don't get mixed up in a serious relationship with some guy you think needs mothering or because you feel sorry for him.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (13 September 2006):
 Hi Anon,
I think it would be best to hold off having him as more than a friend at this point. It sounds like you're too unsure. When people start relationships with one another, it should be a positive, happy, and fun experience! What you have right now are mixed emotions.
I suggest staying friends with him and seeing how the relationship grows naturally in your case. If it blossoms - great! If it doesn't, then that's okay, too, because of the 'problems' that seem to be around right now.
Now, as for the letter. I can imagine that once you get it, you're going to feel really bad if you were to let him down by telling him that now is not a good time. What I recommend is writing a letter back to him (since he seems to like this way of communication). Tell him how you feel and what's going through your head. Try to keep it positive! Especially if you see yourself wanting to get together with him later.
If none of that appeals to you, you could take a chance and see where the relationship goes. Honestly I think this would be sort of a bad decision, just because of how you describe him in your post. There's no need to rush into things, especially when he's not up to your expectations before you've even started a relationship right now.
It also seems like he needs some time to himself to straighten out his feelings. You don't want to turn out to be his rebound girl, do you? I mean, you did start talking to him right as soon as his girlfriend and he broke up, right? Just something to think about.
So you can either remain friends, have the relationship grow while getting to know each other better, develop feelings for one another and then start a relationship based on solid feelings or else you can take a chance and see what happens when you're unsure about it. Take care.
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