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male
,
anonymous
writes: Should the end of the courtship and children spell the end to excitement and passion in a relationship? What if one half thinks like Mom now and not as your lover?Any cures for my cold fish?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2005): Do something now. Don't make a grand gesture, small things done regularly will work better. And don't expect instant results - your marriage could be at risk, so the time is well invested.
One thing that makes everyone feel important and loved is another person taking an interest in what makes them tick. As a person, not as one of the roles they have in life - mother, worker, wife etc. If she mentions somewhere she would like to go or somethnig she would like to do, make a note of it then arrange it for her. Have a search on the internet - look up "101 Romantic Ideas" and check out the BBC website - search for relationships on their site, it's pretty good. One of the most simple things you can do is ask her what she would do if she won the lottery - if she's in practical mode she will talk about paying off the mortgage, setting up trust funds for the kids etc, but ask her what she would do once she had done all these things (make sure the imaginary lottery win is huge - plenty of scope). You're asking her about her as a person really, maybe she wuold like to learn to ride a horse, maybe she would go on a cruise. I'm not saying you should go and arrange these things, but just getting her talking about her as a person may help.
Also, one last thing - physical contact. A quick squeeze of the hand accompanied by the words "you're wonderful" or "I love you" (Or both!) will help a great deal.
I wish you the best of luck and think it's wonderful you are taking steps to make your lives better.
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