A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for two months. He is 41, twice married and has five children.We see each other about 3 times a week and everything is going well with one exception...no physical intimacy!I have asked him about this and he has reassured me twice now that he does see me as more than a friend and that he is attracted to me but still...nothing!He has said to me that he is "guarded" and that he has made two poor choices in his past (his ex-wives presumably) and is therefore cautious of rushing into anything. He tells me he has been single for two years and that I am the first woman he has introduced to his children and that feeling comfortable to do this is a big deal for him.My concern is that he is reassuring me with words but his actions (or lack of) are making me feel unattractive, unwanted and suspicious. I told him that he is all text and no trousers and he found this hilarious!Do I take what he says at face value and accept that he doesn't want me just as a friend and is wanting to take things slowly or could there be something more here that is holding him back from getting physical with me? I've asked him twice and I think I'll scare him off if I raise the issue again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): I completely understand your boyfriend. I think he wants to get to know you properly which is a real compliment. Once you have sex the infatuation stage kicks in and it can be a year or more before the 'real' people in both of you come out. I suspect this is how he got into the two relationships he has now left behind and doesn't want to make the same mistake again. He can show you how he feels by being affectionate and through nice and kind words. I think you are worrying over nothing and should relax. Think of it this was: If you are still together in 6 months of a no-sex relationship it means he really likes you as a person and not just for sex or because he is infatuated, and then the relationship has a better chance of surviving. If sex is so important to you then he might not be the best person for you but I would be asking myslef why I felt so insecure about it.
A
female
reader, MamaBear  +, writes (28 April 2011):
What is the big rush with this guy? He cannot be any more clear than what you have told us, can he? He has 2 ex wives to contend with, and five children. Just spending time with his children takes up a lot of his free time. And, you have only known him for two months. I would be a bit more patient. Sounds like he is running scared.
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