| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have liked this boy since 10th grade and now were're in 12th. He has a baby by another girl, but their relationship is off and on. In reality, I know they are going to be together cause of the baby. Now my mind is telling me to let go, but my heart is telling me to stay. The same way I feel about him, he feels about me. What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006): hay i like a boy who has his girlfreind and they seems they are ok and they don t have probleme so i like him what could i do to brak up their relationshipe.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): In reality, dear, you are right. You have to let go. With him becoming a father, this is likely a n overwhelming but positive transformational process for him. When a guy becomes a father, through loving his child, he will likely love the Mother of his child, even more. And even though their relationship is on and off (likely due to youth & immaturity) it's quite likely he will eventually feel a strong pull to her and his child. When a child enters a man's life, a new depth of feeling and emotion are awakened within him and this will be why he will want to be a part of this child's life, on a daily basis and help her raise the child.
The baby and the mother are a package deal and he must be allowed the opportunity to form a family, without any outside interference to disrupt his relationship. He has to focus on his family as he has huge responsibilities now. He needs to now make a solid, happy family with his gf and baby and if he loves the Mother..he doing the right thing.
You have to make that brave choice and step aside, dear. As much as it hurts-you need to muster up the strength and try hard to move on and go forward. You will grieve for awhile..so allow that for yourself and take as long as you need. Once you recover-get out and live life and have dating with other people. My heart goes out to you...good luck and best wishes.
Hugs, Irish
...............................
A
female
reader, denise8020 +, writes (19 October 2005):
I think you already know the answer to this question! Unless you know that him and his ex are completly threw with one another and the relationship has no chance of rekindling you need to stay away and remain just friends if not your going to end up just being a rebound fling for him or starting trouble for yourself that you just dont want..And obviously there is something still pulling him back to this other girl..
...............................
A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (19 October 2005):
 You'll probably get a lot of advice along the lines of "you're all too young for this; back off and wait until you're more mature for a serious relationship" -- and that advice would not be off the mark.
But put aside the age thing for a moment and think of the bigger picture: do you really want to sign on with someone who make but does not, for whatever reason, keep commitments? Do you really think things will be magically different between you and this guy from the way they are between this guy and the mother of his child? What happens if you two get together, have a baby, and the cycle repeats itself?
Bottom line: do you really want to be partnered with someone who is already splitting his time between you and someone else? Because that's what you're signing on for: either he divides his time and attention between you and this child (and possibly, the mother of this child) or he is an utterly irresponsible creep you definitely don't want to be dating.
My gut tells me you should walk. Spend some time developing yourself before you settle into anything serious with anyone. Feelings, especially mutual ones, are lovely, but it's smarts and know-how and self-esteem that will take you the distance in life.
Oh -- and if I misread you and the question is "Should I have an affair with this guy who is already involved with someone else, thereby making himself unavailable for me?", my answer is, "Not if you want anything other than sex, and definitely not if you don't want the karma dogs to come bite you in the ass."
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, wicky +, writes (19 October 2005):
If he breaks up with his girlfreind then go for it, but never settle for 2nd best because that is all you will be if you date him while he is still with his girlfreind, if he likes you that much then he will break it of with his current partner, and if he doesn't then there is no point anyway. The baby isn't a problem.
...............................
|
