A
female
age
36-40,
*utterfliesarefree
writes:First I want to say a big thank you for the help I've had here in the past.For starters I have been having a on/off affair for around 5 years however I think its safe to say we are over. But I just can't get over him he's all I think about he's all I want.But lately I feel like I'm going crazy.I've tracked down his wife. She's a teacher and I've found the school where she works. Idk what the hell is wrong with meI went to the drs earlier in the week and he has put me on anti depress ants and he's referred me for counselling which I definitely need at this point but there is a waiting list so it won't be anytime soon.I didn't see her picture but just seeing her name was enough I nearly threw up.Has anyone else done this? I feel its getting closer to the day I tell her but I'm not sure its the right step for me him or her and their child or my family for that matter
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): I have felt that way and I have done what you did from the comfort of my armchair on my laptop but never physically gone anywhere and never done anything online about it either.
OP your priorities are all screwed up here, your priority should be you. I understand you can't help but be hurt and curious but this woman has not done anything bad to you to warrant being hurt by you has she? OP it will not help your state of mind if you add an even more profound guilt to your already messed up head.
You need to forget about both of them and focus on you, okay? It takes 6 months minimum to get over a 5 year relationship, so this may take you a year to move past or even longer, so don't fuck that up for yourself by keeping reminders of him in your life. Stop keeping this love alive by acting this way and start working on you and making yourself happy and healthy mentally.
You need to completely purge all traces of him from your life, every gift, every picture, all the music you listened to, dump it all and you need to get busy as hell.
Your doc has set you on the right path, but every minute you're alone feels like and hour and all your thoughts are probably of him, so you need to fill those minutes with constructive things. Time to work on your life in general.
Time to start working out, take up some new social hobbies to do in the evenings, time to learn a new skill or language, time to better your diet (go online print out 5 new recipes to cook each day for the next 5 days, buy all the ingredients tomorrow), buy a new book tomorrow to read before you go to sleep (not a romance), put the keys to your car in a drawer in your bedroom and start walking/cycling everywhere (it's an amazing way to clear your mind), get in touch with friends and organize some gatherings, go online and look up some local charities that need some volunteers and donate your time to them in the evenings or weekends, I'm sure you can think of lots of other things you can fill your time with. Things that not only give you something new to enjoy and experience but beautiful things that you can achieve, little goals and improvements to your life.
It's funny because that's what I do and people never believe how quickly I get over things, but you know what? When the complete devastation of the break up has worn off you suddenly realize that what you've been doing all that time has made you a kick ass person. My last truly heartbroken break up I ended up being able to speak rudimentary Japanese, cook an awesome number of healthy Italian dishes to perfection, could run 10 km's without fatiguing (from collapsing into a sweaty heap running for the bus), I learned advanced first aid, read about 30+ books from skill books to rereading Tolkien, spent a lot of time with the older generation of my family and got to know my heritage over tea, the list of positive achievements I have from then has helped make me the person I am today and I love the man I have become.
Of course I did do a lot of crying, a lot of not wanting to get out of bed in the mornings, some very moody days, some drunken arguments and fights with friends too but my achievements far outweigh any of the negativity of that time but I suppose the most important aspect of all though was I talked about it, I talked about it with anyone who would listen regardless of whether they wanted to hear it or not, old women on buses etc. I got so many pearls of wisdom from so many different sources and things just felt better and made more sense when I spoke to other people, so don't do this alone but do know that life always gets better but you can't always sit back and wait for it to do so, most of the time we have to help it along.
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