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female
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anonymous
writes: Me and mt boyfriend have been going out for 3 and a half years and we've been through a lot together.Recently it felt like things were just going downhill.I really love him and I've always believed that there's nothing you can't work out if you really try,but it just feels like the harder I try the worse it gets.Do I follow my head or my heart,because my heart says I shouldn't give up.I really believe that he is THE ONE,despite all our problems!Do I give up or not? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2006): Follow your heart. Logic and reasoning are great flounderers (sp?) in an intimate relationship. I feel that if and when you start to think that you want to be with someone but not feel it, then it is a dire sign to leave him/her. However, if you feel you want to be with someone, despite what your logic says, then it is a good sign that you should be with that someone.
Mind you however, if that person is an abusive, controlling, and manipulative person, I say definitely follow your logic over your heart. As most often than not, the heart in these cases is clouded by the feelings of guilt and the need for your partner to give back.
Of course, as Auntie Claire has mentioned, "make sure he feels the same for you otherwise there is nothing worth fighting for" - if indeed he isn't giving you nearly as much in return, then you must make a compromise with your heart and your logic. To leave or not to leave?
I went through something similar recently, for a year with someone I loved and adored, but it was almost one way. She told me that her heart doesn't feel like doing anything for me, but her mind does. I told her that my heart feels like doing everything for her, but my mind says I should stop and leave. In the end, we broke-up, but it hurt like hell... Having to try to build toward something, to grow old together, refocus my ideals and goals for us - all gone to waste in the end. A good learning experience yes, but overall, a very sad tale...
A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (12 April 2006):
 dear reader. i suggest you follow your heart i'm the same and have been through what you are going through right now with my partner and now we are stronger then ever all relationships have there problems and most can be worked out depends on what it is but remember this it has to come from both sides its not right that one half of the relationship works hard to keep it together and the other just sits back you both have to want the same thing.if you say you think his "the one" make sure he feels the same for you otherwise there is nothign worth fighting for life is way to short to waste your time if in the end it all falls to pieces you will both end up bitter and find it hard to get back into relationships with other peoplei hope things work out for you good luck xxx
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