A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:"OPs Own title" Hello,Has anyone had their boyfriend say that he's not ready to marry yet and that he's not thinking about it yet, and successfully got married to the same boyfriend 2-3 years down the line?Me and my boyfriend have know each other for over 1.5 years. We've been together for 1 year. About half the time long distance.At the beginning, when we were talking frequently and fancying each other, I had asked him casually when he sees himself getting married. He had said when he's about 30. Maybe a few years earlier, or later, depending on the situation. He had said he wants to feel he's got his career on track before marrying.Since then we have spoken about marriage twice and I've been hearing the above line and plan. We promised each other we'd let each other know if we should ever feel like we don't see ourselves getting married (so that we're not wasting each others time... I had proposed this since I'm more worried about this I think).He's 25 and I'm 27. For both of us this is our first real relationship. He just finished his Masters last year and is now doing a Trainee Program on contract. He will find out at the end of next year whether the company will take him on fulltime or not.In our first talk he had also told me that he feels that I'm ready to settle and that if I really want to get married now, he doesn't want to stand in my way if I should find someone suitable. I had asked him how I'm supposed to find someone suitable if I'm with him. He recently added that he meant that if I decide that he's not the one I want to get married to, then he doesn't want to stand in my way in finding someone else because he doesn't plan to get married now.I asked him how long would it be too long for us to be together the way we are now and he said after the beginning of 2012 it would be too long. The reason he's saying that date is because towards the end of 2011 he will find out if and what type of fulltime employment offer he will get from his current employer and where in the world it will be, as he works for a multinational company.I'm not looking for an opinion on my situation. But if you can, I'd appreciate it. I'm primarily wondering if anyone has heard the "I'm not thinking about marriage right now" line and then later got married. Please share your stories. And how long it took..
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 May 2010):
If it helps, I have been in relationships where they've been after some one to marry and I wasn't looking for that level of commitment?
I was young and not looking for marriage. He was a bit older and not wanting to mess about. We had a great few weeks of him wanting serious boyfriend-girlfriend stuff and me wanting fun and some company. Then I realised I was just wasting his time and letting him fall for me when I had no intention of settling down. So we ended.
I definitely definitely was not looking for marriage when I met my husband. But knew within a few months that it would happen because I knew I'd met my soulmate.
Marriage shouldn't be seen as a big GAME OVER sign... it should mean that you happen to have met the person you will love for the rest of your life and want a bit of a public declaration of that. It doesn't mean kids or anything else. I just means you and him signing up to eachother for the long term.
My advice to you is that a man should want to do anything to keep you if he loves you enough. This guy has said he cares about you and wants you to be happy, but he's ok for you to go off with someone else.
You may love him, but is that really the standard you want from the man who you will grow old with? Apathy?
If you want a man to marry then work out a "must have" list and top of that should be "must love me more than life." just as you should love him more than life.
If you find yourself with man that doesn't meet the big things on your list then move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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