A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i dont know if im being oversensitive here but i just want some feedback. Im 27 and been doing driving lessons just over a year now.My instructor wants me to book my test in and im just not confident. Last night on my driving lesson he told me "sort your life out,you arent a baby anymore".I was quite shocked at this -ok so im a bit old not to be already driving but i have a good job and recently got myself a diploma.A bit of background about me:I live at home with my parents purely because my boyfriend works away alot-he is home every 3 month for a couple of weeks and if we got a house together i'd be living on my own which i dont want-i dont know if he was insinuating that at my age i should be further forward in life than i am.What are your thoughts?Thanksx Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miss Karma Louise +, writes (7 November 2009):
he didnt really have the right to say this but it has obviosuly affected you and gave you something to have a think about.
he didnt say enything about your personal life,you decided that alone.
taking a test when your not ready is sometimes the best thing you can do,as it gives high motivavtion.
book it for a month and get stuck in to it.
even if you fail youll now what to expect next time and have more confidence.
if your in lessons for long period of time you get a little dishartened..and just think about quitting.
he proberly just said it ti get you to do it..
Prove him wrong..and try to pass.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): LessonsLearned makes a good point about moving out of home,think about it. However i do not agree with his comments about taking 1 year to do learn to drive being excessive!I took 2 years, 3 driving instructors and 4 tests before i passed. Each at their own pace. A colleague of mine did hers in 9 months-passed 1st time and has been involved in numerous accidents and written of 2 cars. My cousin passed on her 8th attempt and is an excellent driver..better than me.Book your self in as marieclaire said-atleast u know what too expect and you can always re do it!Good luckx
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A
female
reader, marieclaire  +, writes (7 November 2009):
 well maybe he was being harsh but maybe he's right? you've been taking lessons for a year, maybe you should just suck it up and take the test, if you fail you fail but he probably wouldn't tell you to take it if he thought you weren't a good enough driver. maybe he thinks that fear and lack of independence is holding you back. why don't you rent a flat and get some housemates instead of living with your parents
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A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (7 November 2009):
 Yes, you can change your instructor, wrap up your lessons and get your license.
But ... there are two very important life lessons here that I hope you will take.
First of all, when someone says something to us and it hurts, there is probably some grain of truth in it. I am sensitive, but I have learned this very important truth. Instead of defending myself (in my head), I ask myself, "Okay, this hurts because I believe part of it myself. What is it, and what can I do?"
Second of all, there are people out there that are motivated by statements like that. *shoulder shrug* Not you, not me ... we tend to shut down when people are mean ... but there are people that have to prove the naysayers wrong. So, there are also people out there that truly believe that they're helping others, "lighting a fire under their ass," so to speak. He may be insensitive, but he may just be rough around the edges and believe that he's helping you.
So ... since you can't go through life avoiding the callous people, and there are aspects of being sensitive that we enjoy (we are atune to things that other people miss), and the goal here is to drive with safe, confident ability (and get the license!), what is the real problem? What is the real solution?
Think about it ...
best wishes
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A
female
reader, icelordess + ♥, writes (7 November 2009):
 Your driving instructor was out of line. He said something that a parent would say. Learning to drive is stressful enough without having an instructor with an attitude and a chip on his shoulder. And its never to late to learn so don't let that stop you from doing anything! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, LessonsLearned +, writes (7 November 2009):
He made an insensitive comment and was a bit of a clod. But maybe it's bothering you because you may feel on some level theres an element of truth in what he's saying. It's not the comment that really hurts, it's what we perceive as the truth in comments that people make that really hurts and can stay with us.
Who cares if he was insinuating you should be further along in life. His opinion is his own. Thats not really important. Do YOU feel that you should be further along in life? Thats the real issue. So when you ask that question your really asking 1. If its true, and 2. If other people here will agree with him.
A year of training to learn to drive seems a bit excessive to say the least. I think it's possible you may have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. If so, medications like Xanax can work wonders in reducing your apprehensions.
As for living at home, it's rarely a good idea to stay in the nest too long. I understand your apprehensions about living alone, perhaps taking on a friend as a roommate (flat mate?) would ease your transition out of the house.
Talk to your doctor about anxiety disorders, get diagnosed, move out of the house and schedule your driving test. In that order, thats my advice. Don't worry if you are or aren't behind schedule in life. Dont worry about anything in fact. Just learn to challenge yourself daily to achieve today what you couldn't yesterday. Good luck! :)
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1 + ♥, writes (7 November 2009):
i would change your instructor.I had the same experience myself,except mine shouted at me on the lesson just before my test.I failed it of course.I found another instructor stright after that.Don't feel bad about taking lessons at your age at least your doing it.Good luck.x
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