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So mad at my boyfriend for having sex with someone before we were an item. I know it's me with the problem, but what do I do?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 January 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 January 2006)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

I need some help getting over something coz I just don't know how to!!!

My now-boyfriend slept with someone when we were seeing each other but before it was official. It was a one night stand and he says she meant nothing but I just can't get over this!!! I was so crazy about him at the time, I hate that he went out and had sex with someone else, I would never have done that! I guess I thought he felt the same about me.

Anyway, it's tearing our relationship apart because I just can't get over it. I'm always asking questions and getting really mad when I see the girl (not with her, just with him). I don't know why i'm letting this get to me so much and everyone thinkis I should move on but I can't.

This seems so trivial to everyone else and so massive to me, do you think I need to get counselling or something? I've been like this before about my ex's past one night stand too, that was before I even knew him though! I definitely think it's something to do with me, I just don't know what and I'm scared I'll never be able to make a relationship work unless he's a virgin!!! Help!!!

View related questions: move on, my ex, one night stand

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (30 January 2006):

willywombat agony auntYour feelings are normal, but they do need to be got under control or they will destroy your fledgling relationship.

Talk to him about it, I don't mean the graphic details, just about why he did it and his and your feelings about it. Then swear to put it behind you and move on. As difficult as this may seem you ahve to do this before you lose all you now have.

It won't be easy, but I wish you luck. xxx

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A reader, Scouzer United Kingdom +, writes (30 January 2006):

I think it's quite normal to be anoyed but he didn't know that he was gonna be with you. Have you never slept with anyone before him? Just try and ignore the fact because he wouldn't be with you if he didn't like you better. If you think he still has feelings for this girl, then tell him to get stuffed you need a man who is only intrested in you...it's what you deserve. Hope this helps

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2006):

no i think its normal, i must admit id probably be pissed off about it too if i was in your position. firstly he should not be telling you about this past relationships or one night stands because its the past and it just causes problems,everytime my bf mentions anything at all about this ex gf's i just feel so sick. secondly this is almost cheating just because you two were not offical does not mean anything, it was that nice stage, it was the time that you two were falling for each other and getting to know each other, but now it seems he may not have been focusing on you the hole time after all, but just put it this way, atleast it was just a one nite stand,atleast he didnt pick her over you in the end and atleasthe was truthful and told you about it which is a good thing in a way because atleast now you know he is a honest person and he isnt cheating on you becuase if he was he would not have had said anyhing, you need to sit down with him for 1 hour and ask him all the questions you need answers too, thats the onl way your going to free your mind from this.

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