A
male
age
41-50,
*anjunathBangalore
writes:What do you think of a culture which doesn't support pre-marital sex? I am from India. Here pre-marital sex is frowned upon. My first sexual experience was with my wife at the age of 32. Don't you think I lost some of the precious moments of life? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 May 2012):
 There is no wrong or right. They would not miss out on things. There is much much more to this than just the variable "pleasure". There are more variables which will make this a bad, or good, choice. And, in addition, it depends on the persons involved. If your son, or daughter, wants to have pre-marital sex, and you support them in that, then OK. But you should not force them to have sex if they don't want to. Then they will not have pleasure from it.
Besides, there are the other variables you forget about. I will mention some. The possibility of pregnancy with a person you are NOT married to, and who can easily leave you. The possibility of being taken sexually advantage of. Many girls think that a man will love them if they have sex with them, but many men only want to sleep with her. This will lead her to heart ache, and feeling disgusted in herself for being used and tossed away.
The possibility of getting an STD that can make you infertile, or even cause death, or make it difficult or impossible to find someone to marry.
In your culture, having pre-marital sex can also mean they will be excluded from the society, looked down upon, and not gain respect.
You need to factor in all of these things. You also need to factor is something important: sex with a stranger, or someone you do not love, is NOT good sex. It is just for reproduction purposes. It is not a loving act. Once the feelings are taken out of the action, it becomes more mechanical. Yes, it can still be good, but never have the "high" that you are experiencing when in a loving and committed relationship.
If you are under the impression that life should be lives enjoying as much as possible, then that also means you should never eat healthy foods, because candy, and fat-filled food, tastes better than raw vegetables. But by doing so, you will shorten your life span. So as it is with all things: take it in moderation! The same goes for sex. Having mindless sex, regardless of with whom, where, or how, can lead to very bad results. You are not guaranteed that there will only be pleasure.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): Wow, I'm surprised at your comment about your offsprings' potential sex life. That's a very enlightened attitude for a permissive culture, let alone a traditional one. Intellectually I knew that I of course wanted my wife to have a happy and satisfying sex life, therefore I should want the same for my daughters. And I had seen women who for whatever reason never had their first relationship until they were 30, and how much harder that was for them than the people who started in their teens and so had learned some relationship skills. Accepting teenage dating means accepting the risk that things may get out of hand. I did my best as a parent to walk the line -- letting them explore dating while setting rules and supervising enough that they didn't get in over their heads. Whether or not that leads to sex, I think that sets them up for a more emotionally mature start to eventual married life.For you, the other replies are of course correct -- there's no value to having regrets. You're in a new relationship, which usually means lots and lots of wild sex. Enjoy and savor every moment. In most relationships that tends to dwindle over time -- to the extent you can avoid that, you're ahead of the game.For me, I was with three different partners before committing, 30 years ago, to my wife. The sex with those three ranged from awful to mind-blowing. I'm grateful for the memories -- because I was at my peak at 18 and actually had the chance to take advantage of it. I had one weekend that year where I had more intercourse than I've had in the last three years together. Those memories help me cope with the current reality.
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A
male
reader, ManjunathBangalore +, writes (28 May 2012):
ManjunathBangalore is verified as being by the original poster of the question Replying to Chigirl. If sex at 32 is good, then sex at 52 should also be good. So we all can have sex at 52 or even 62. In my view sex is not only for procreation, but it is also for enjoyment. So my feeling is, I have lost at least 14 years of joyful life. My feeling is, in life we should enjoy our life to the fullest extent without hurting others. So I want my daughter or son to be sexually involved with a partner of their choice by 18. Am I wrong? Please correct me if I am wrong.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 May 2012):
What would those precious moments have been? Having sex at 32 isn't less great than having sex at 22. No, I don't see what it is you would have missed out on.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 May 2012):
 I always disdain when I hear someone ask for a vote on the CULTURAL aspect of some PERSONAL issue.... MOREOVER, (relative to your question) WHO is taking part in premarital sex? .... YOU, or "the culture" Do you see my point... It (premarital sex) is your decision to either partake of it or not....
You will probably get a spectrum of replies on this site... and THEY will reflect OTHER cultures. Who is "right"????
Incidentally.... the "precious moments" of your life that may have passed.... leave them there in the past, and remember that you are only able to enjoy your FUTURE!!!
Good luck....
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