A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a great long-distance friend, someone I always hoped I'd be more than friends with though that never worked out.We knew each other over 2 years. I've always been private but with her.....I just felt a comfort I've NEVER felt with anyone else. She felt the same and over time we shared everything with each other. When we met, we used to talk everyday, see each other as often as possible. Over time that naturally changed but we still talked/met on a regular basis. That was until this past May. Slowly, or maybe not so slowly, she started to disappear despite my best efforts to talk/see her. Where I once went a day or two without hearing from her, I started going a week, sometimes longer. Our few efforts to get together never came off. After hearing very little from her in June and July, we reconnected in August though her emails to me were very brief. After setting up a get-together in august that also didn't come off, I started to get the feeling she wasn't telling me something. But as my trust in her was once an issue, I took her at her word, that everything was fine. We emailed and tried to meet again in late sept. But suddenly she told me things in her life had changed (she's 10 years older and I knew she led a very hectic life as a business owner and a single mother) and she wouldn't have time for anything other than her family. In fact, said she had just made several changes in her life, including breaking up with a boyfriend (who I knew NOTHING about). In one way suddenly the last few months made sense, but in another way I was still surprised/hurt at what she said. I had a calm come over me and wondered whether it may be over. So I sent her an email saying I hoped things at home went well, how much she means to me and how much I missed her, hoping we could get together when she was able (all things I had said/hinted at during the summer). Her response was simply, 'no time to even write back, it has nothing to do with you I promise, will get back to you as soon as I can.' That was a month ago and I haven't heard one word from her since (though I've noticed she suddenly become very visible on the social sites over the last week). On the one hand, it seems I was always making the first move and I got sick of looking desperate, so I was determined this time I wouldn't get back in touch with her till she reached out to me (as she promised) first. But on the other hand, I'm wondering if she may be waiting for me to make the next move.What do you think, should I reach out to her or move on?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Well then tell her that if you can deal with just being friends with her and it wont hurt you more then tell her you miss her as a friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. It's exactly the direction I was leaning but I wanted to get an outside opinion.
She knew how I felt about her early on but didn't walk away as I thought she might if she was uncomfortable with it. But as time passed I realized we'd likely never be more than just friends though I always held out hope. I always said even if we couldn't be a couple, I'd still want to be her friend. I'm at peace with what has transpired......but I guess I just miss my friend.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (28 October 2010):
No i dont think that you should she told you she would contact you so leave it at that as if you contact her she may get angry with you and tell you she asked you to wait until she contacted you.
If am honest with you it sounds like this women got on really well with you to start of with as a friend but i think now she just doesnt want anything more to do with you, and she probably never saw it as anything more than a friendship. I think its time you moved on and met someone else instead of waiting around for something that probably will never happen.
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