A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone think that I should reach out to him? So I posted my story on here a few days ago - and have gotten great responses! But...still confused what I should do next.Here's the post for background:So...long story short, I was dating this guy (Y) since end of Jan. We had been friends first for a couple years, but we met through my ex (they are friends). My ex started dating a girl that I thought was a friend of mine (note: I don't care they date, but apparently she has no interest in being my friend anymore). Anyway, so word leaked out that I was seeing Y because I had told some girls that I did not realize had any connection to my ex (I didn't find out he was dating my friend until much later).So...my ex found out and basically told man Y that he had to stop dating me and being friends with me. We continued to teeter on dating, though, then he started to flake on me. I was going on a trip for 11 days and the two weeks prior he stopped really calling, etc. He tried to get a hold of me a couple of times, but we ended up playing phone tag. So I left.Two days into my trip, he emailed me. Only I didn't check email while away so I got it about 10 days later. Here is the email:Hi there,I don’t know if you are checking email while over there, but hello!I need a get out of jail free pass… just to cut to the chase. I cannot explain the last two weeks over email, but maybe when you come back. To put it abbreviated, I almost quit and so did two others very close to me here, my basement flooded, I almost lost two friends, and life as I knew was horrible. I am better now, but still obviously feel badly that we never spoke or met up before you left.Everyone needs one of these passes once in a while, if there is one available, I would like to use it.Thanks for everything. I hope you are having a great time. Is it just wine every night or are you mixing in other things??? Did you still bring heals like a good American girl???I hope you are well and your trip is awesome.LoveYI appreciated his honesty, but part of me felt he was just making excuses. And he's been so hot/cold that I'm just confused at this point (esp. cause he signed his email "love"?! he'd never done that before!) PLUS, I heard through the grapevine that while I was gone he told my ex he was going to stop seeing me (apprently this is like some contest for my ex and his new gfriend cause they told a lot of people, as if they won or osmethign?! anyway, so it got back to me)...So this was my response:Y,I am a very understanding and forgiving person. I'm sorry to hear that you had a rough couple of weeks. I do appreciate the explanation for turning your back to me during that time.As badly as you may feel for your actions, it does not negate them. And, it's not just the couple of weeks before I left...I just don't see how I fit into your life?We've teetered on the dating line for months. I greatly enjoy having you as part of my life, I think you're wonderful, and I don't regret the time we've spent together. But, in a romantic aspect I'd like a bit more from a relationship than what we've had and this doesn't seem to be progressing.If this is a friendship thing, you say you are such a good friend to people, that you put others ahead of yourself, that you just want to make everyone happy, but you haven't shown me that friendship reliability over the past several weeks and then some. You need to be clear as to what you want.I have never let my deeper feelings for you, our less than enviable circumstances, or personal life stresses cloud the fact that I respect and appreciate you as a person and a friend, first and foremost. Thus, I've always been open and honest with you - whether it be respecting the need to walk away from each other last summer, appreciating the little time we did manage to share given conflicting schedules the past few months or understanding how difficult our circumstances have made things the past few weeks. I have been more than fair.Y, I do think you are a wonderful person and I wish only good things for you. But, to be fair, I think you need to be clearer as to why you need a get out of jail free pass.He has NEVER responded to this email?!?! He has just disappeared?!I think it's clear, he has chosen his friendship with my ex over me, but I would understand that - we've talked about it - and I told him that! So, why not just pick up the phone and say "I can't do this"????Last summer when our feelings first came out for each other, it was too close to home for me as I had JUST broken up with my ex, so I did that. As much as it hurt me, I called him up and asked for time and space...respectfully.I am shocked he is treating me with such disrespect! and, esp. cause I feel he has the easiest out in the world right now. He could've walked away with his head held high, but instead, he's running for the hills with his tail between his legs...WHY?!OR http://www.dearcupid.org/question/whats-with-his-disappearing-act.htmlFor the most part I feel as if he should call me, if he's sorry, if he's interested, etc...but I wonder if he was really having the worst week(s) of his life when he went MIA and he was really sorry and wrote me the apology email to reach out...and if my response made him feel rejected?Should I reach otu to him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): I have felt the same as to why do man run and ignore confrontational issues and that jst why. They dont want to deal with it and you cant and should not fight for someone who is not willing to step in the ring with you. There is no point because he clearly cant even bring himself to confront you what good will he have to say. Just wait till he calls and that way he at least has something to say other than excuses and if he does not ,well thats good enough of an answer for me.
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