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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend 16 years. We have 3 children and a mortgage. But all of a sudden things have changed. He goes out every weekend, sometimes doesn't come home until morning. He doesn't talk to me when he does; he just grunts at me. He says he doesn't want to answer to anyone and wants to move out, but then says he can't afford to, but living like this will just make us not like each other. What should I do? Should I move out and leave him with the kids age 14, 13, 8? Please help. I need advice. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (5 August 2006):
 You guys have a lot of history together, and 3 children also. Has he considered what it will do to them if he/you leaves? Could this be just a temporary blip, or is something really getting to him? Have you sought any form of counselling, say, Relate? They are completely non-biased, and they really do help, no-one gets 'the blame', so there need be no fear for him to 'open up'. They provide a calm atmosphere where you can really be honest with each other, and they ask questions which will really give an insight into one another's (and your own) inner feelings. They are very skilled and talented at this, so do give it a go. You can even go alone if you need to, they can help you seek ways to approach him.
He really does owe you an explanation here, as all relationships have their ups and downs, and honesty and communication are paramount here. You say he stays out all night - where exactly has he been staying?
When - and if - all avenues have been explored, and you do decide to part, you need to make an appointment with citizens' advice. I beleive that it is the law now that you are entitled to half of everything even if you are not married. Check that one out.. And, personally I think it is up to HIM to move out - you have done nothing wrong (as far as I can tell) - and he is not being fair to you. Can you speak to his mother, or some other family member, or perhaps appeal to his friends or whoever he is with at the week-ends?
One thing is for sure, and that is neither of you will have any peace until he sits down and tells you what is on his mind..promise him you will do your best to understand, and that you appreciate his honesty in telling you. Or if he still won't open up, tell him you will have to come to your own conclusion here...after all, if he wants out anyway, what has he got to lose by telling you??
It is his problem if he chooses to end it, not yours.. perhaps he can stay at the place where he goes overnight when he is not with you! Whatever happens, you need to get to the bottom of this..Take care, and look after yourself.
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