A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for 12 years. We married young and both have had few partners before marriage. My wife is starting a bit of a mid life crisis and wishes she had played the field a little more when younger. I am afraid that it will drive a wedge between us and lead to us splitting which we do not want. Should I let her have a fling? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): Are you the one pushing for a fling or her? either way, there's something very wrong with that picture. If you are the one thinking about it, then I say you're a little insecure, rather than do it yourself, you're thinking about bringing another dude in the picture. wrong wrong wrong.
If she's the one bringing it up, look out, someone must be knocking at her door, she wants to do it, but she doesn't want to feel guilty so she's letting you know ahead of time. Instead of making things "better" it will certainly make'em a hell of a lot worse.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): when I was 28 years old my husband said he thought it was ok for us to see other people. We had married young and things were stale. Trouble was I lost respect for a man that was happy for me to sleep around. That did not care to ensure our marriage was great and thought so little of me.... Your wife wants to cheat on you without being dishonest. Where are your boundaries? Trust me you will ruin what you have if you let this happen or support it. However the fact you two are even discussing it indicates a major major problem in your marriage.
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A
male
reader, holikdad  +, writes (7 July 2009):
No, never allow that. Marriage is built on trust and respect, if she goes out and sleeps with another man then that is gone.You could try swinging, but it takes a special kind of couple who can do that without fracturing their relationship.You didn't say if you feel the need to go out and sleep with other people too. If you both do then it may be time to end your marriage.But remember the grass isn't always greener on the other side.Your situation reminds me of an email I once received years ago. It was a picture of this super hot woman in a bikini standing under a waterfall, and the bikini barely covered her. Underneath the picture it said "Somewhere some guy is tired of putting up with her shit".Remember other people come with baggage too, so maybe it's best if you seek marriage counseling.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (7 July 2009):
 Wow. Why are you even considering this crazy idea? I am all for pushing sexual boundaries, but you should agree what to do, and do it together.
Remember that a marriage is a partnership. There are two people. Two people make a great marriage, and two make a bad one. If there is any kind of problem, then there are two sides to it.
Your wife is worried. She is in her thirties, and life is comfortable, but not exciting. So she wants a little excitement, and she wants to know that she is still desirable to men. Maybe she even wants to know what sex is like with other men.
So why is this? Is your sex life not all it could be? If the spark has gone, what are you doing to try to re-ignite it? Letting her have a fling will signal the end of your marriage. What you must do is talk to her about all of the thoughts she is having. Take her out, spoil her a little, talk like a couple, and at the end of the night, DO NOT HAVE SEX. If you do this for a couple of weeks, you will both build up a little sexual tension. That's a key ingredient in any relationship. You have to make her feel wanted and desired, not obligated. When you do get intimate, make sure you attend to her needs first. Even if it's something you are not entirely comfortable with, if it means she gets her socks blown off, she won't worry about sex with anyone else.
You also need to find out if she is pushing for a fling because she already has another man on the horizon. But I would take her out first, and see what happens.
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