A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for just over a year. We have known eachother longer for nearly a year and a half, but came together just a year or so ago. Although the relationship was long distance at first, we made time to see each other always, on all possible occassions. Shortly after we started dating I found out that my father had terminal cancer, and he passed away within 5 months. Between going home for visits and care, and spending time with my family, I was forever spending my other time between work and with my boyfriend. He came for thanksgiving, to be supportive, and came for the funeral to stand by me - overseas. We both live in Europe, but my family lives in the US. After this tumultuous time, we agreed that it would be best to try and find a way to be together and not have a long distance relationship. I much more wanted to move to his city (in a different country) and leave the one I was living in as I had no ties there and was ready for change (had been for some time). Finally an opportunity presented itself and I moved to his city, and in with him. We thought it made sense. Unfortunately, I had given everything up including job, etc, so I needed to get a new one in the new city which proved to be very challenging. He has been very supportive through the process, but I have begun to think about the long term,and after discussing his intentions, I find out that the is not ready for marriage (yet), feels too immature still for that, and does not want kids. He wants to find the way in the middle, but I can't compromise on my own wishes like that. He asked me for more time...to work on himself as he wished it all were as clear for him as it is for me. I love him very much, and don't know why I feel so insistent on the marriage/kids issue just after a year, but I feel like we have already been through a lot, and its important to know where we are heading. Am I out of line, and do I stick it out and give him the time he asks for? Its the first very big argumenet/split in opinion we have ever shared and it has shaken our relationship. Sorry for the length...
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female
reader, miss know it all  +, writes (9 September 2008):
before the 2 of you moved in together you really should have sat down and talked about what the future holds because that would have saved you moving to a completely different country and not knowing that he wanted the complete opposite to what you wanted. This man sounds like hes not ready for anything as serious as marriage and kids so hes asking you for time so he can think about what he wants he sounds mature enough to make his own decisions. I think you are not with your soulmate so you should end this relationship and find someone who wants the exactly the same as you do which will be a hell of alot better in the long run. I hope this information guides you to where you would like to be in life.
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