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female
age
36-40,
*ELLA
writes: me and my boyfriend has been together for 3 years and then i found out that he cheated on me twice. I left him it's been 3 months now and now he wants me back he said that he was sorry he made a mistake and this time he will give everything he has in our relationship, he really crushed my heart into peaces... should i give another chance or not ???? i am scared that he will crush my heart again
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006):
I would say please read Irish's advice a few more times as I couldn't put it any better myself.
Your boyfriend comes back to you not because he is sorry but because he is feeling guilty and wants forgiveness. If he didn't feel bad for what he has done, he would be human but just because he feels bad does not mean that he loves you.
You really need to look after yourself right now, for someone to repeatidly cheat on you is going to have an emotional knockon effect on your own emotional strength.
I doubt you will come out of this scar free, you are going to have some degree of trust and intimacy issues or question your own self-worth in the future. I say this because the sooner you can realise that this man has caused you some longer term emotional damage the quicker you can be strong and remove him from your life and the quicker you can begin to get over the whole thing.
The problem with forgiving cheating is that you kind of set an agreement that cheating is "allowed" and the other person knows they can probably do it again and get away with it. How sure are you your boyfriend hasn't cheated on you more than twice? How can you ever be happy and trust him again - you can't. You're young - so be strong, and see that you deserve more. Don't allow yourself to be that kind of girl - you deserve far more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): why did you even give him a first chance?, why waste your time on someone who does not love you like you love them?. find someone else who really loves being with you and can work out problems by communicating with you and talking instead of being gutless and cheat on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): Give him another chance?? Are you nuts? How much more of this crap are you going to put up with? Listen..I can't blame you for being scared. I'd be running the other way! My heart is with you but-- lets think rationally here. If I were in your shoes I would be discerning 'what type' of guy cheats over and over, on the woman he swears his heartfelt love to. Just the fact that he boinked other women-twice- and then come home to you, looked you in the eye and said 'I love you', without batting an eyelash, makes me cringe, here. If he had loved you, you would never have cheated on you, in the first place, Men who don't love..do this sort of thing. And is this what type of love relationship you always dreamed about, dear?
Hun, all relationships run into problems. If one of the two people involved, decides they are going to cheat-no matter how huge problems are in a relationship--nothing and I mean nothing, should have ever compelled him to go out and have sex with other women. Please remember, when you love someone, the thought of cheating with another person, is such an painfully, unbearable thought. If he tells you it was a mistake, just know--that mistakes like this, don't happen. To cheat on a beloved, takes fore thought and intent.. He did exactly this-to you....twice!
You can choose to believe he's sorry for his past misdeeds, hun or that he might even change. But past lying, cheating and keeping secrets is not the behaviours of a man who truely loved you. A man who was capable of cheating now is a big red, glowing neon red flag, because he will likely cheat in your future. You want a man you can trust, a man you can count on, a man who swears fidelity to you, a man who is not a constant worry and liability to you. Lose this loser and go establish a relationship with a good, caring, quality guy who can give you...so much, much more.
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A
male
reader, dorfmeistersfan +, writes (27 December 2006):
 I don't anyone can provide your any advice about this one.
The problem is not what you should do in this situation, the problem is what to do with YOU(a person who has been violated, and have developed a tolerance for accepting: cheaters, failures, individual with traumas, in-secure men, men to depend on, love as an excuse to be happy,etc).
I mean, when you look in the mirror every morning, could you find anything you like about yourself, your abilities, etc.?....if not, then, regardless of this guy, you could remain always as a victim of despair.
What to do?.....It's easy, and you know already know what to do.
Good luck with your life, getting perspective, and may all your dreams come true.
dorfmeistersfan
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