A
male
age
51-59,
*erriblysad
writes:I asked a question a few weeks ago regarding staying in my marriage. Well, a new development has happened. In talking with my wife she felt it "necessary" to tell me that on a business trip about 4 years ago she had too much to drink with a male business companion and ended up "holding his hand" as they walked around the city. She said she has felt enormous guilt and just had to tell me. She says that is all that happened. Am I wrong for suspecting that this is not "all" that happened? My gut tells me that if holding his hand was all that happened that she would have never felt overwhelming guilt about it and really never would have had to tell me. Please give me some of your thoughts on this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bitch  +, writes (26 August 2009):
Let's see here, this happened 4 years ago??? I would let it go. It was a long long time ago and now apparently it means nothing to anyone. Even if something else happened, it was 4 years ago. She is still with you? She still loves you? You still love her? and you have a healthy happy relationship? Then drop it my friend, it doesn't mean anything in the scheme of things....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): she apparently kept this terrible "hand holding" a secret for 4 years. what does your gut tell you, mere holding hands with a work colleague, drunk with him and nothing "happened". DON'T THINK SO. some kissing and maybe some feeling up and perhaps more.............
this terrible guilt is much much more than she is letting on. you know her best and i think you need to trust your instinct here. perhaps she had a drunken one night stand and she is ashamed of it happeneing.....now that is plausible, isn't it. i have been on a number of work related trips/conferences, the hooking up of colleagues is actually not unheard of. the one timers, per conference, per cheating.
call me suspicious by nature but when something is too unreal or too good to be true, it usually is. go investigate more, good fella.
i don't remember reading any previous posts. perhaps link it or give us the date and title.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 August 2009):
It sounds perfectly plausible to me that nothing more happened.
Remember that we girls are all about the emotion. We don't need to kiss or have sex to consider it cheating.
She obviously got too close to this guy and had feelings at the time that were returned. It was probably nice just to have someone who wanted to hold her hand, put an arm round her, and be really emotionally connected. Especially if things were in a bit of a rut at home with you.
It's that intense connection that we look for, that spark you get in the beginning stages.
If she says it didn't lead anywhere else and she came back to you then there is no real reason for her to lie. If she did go further then why tell you anything at all?? She knows you will suspect more.
It sounds like she has confessed to get a clean start so if you can do, forgive her, come clean about anything you need to and then start again.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (26 August 2009):
Well there is only two ways for the scenario to unfold. She felt guilt honestly for nothing more than cordial hand holding.Which can be considered chivalrous. Keep that in mind, although on the flip side to the spectrum, perhaps something more lead to that hand hold. It seems bizarre than any buisness associate would find it appropriate to hold hands while touring a city, a.) its hindering a co worker relationshipand b.) the wedding band on the left hand is usually a big clue pointing towards someone who is presently committed.I would be skeptical to believe that she only held hands. What would allow someone to think that would be acceptable behavior, I mean imagine you are out to dinner with a co worker and walked her to her car, would you grab for her hand?Just a thought.-iydm
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