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Should I ask my friend to take my virginity?

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 June 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone.

I've just turned 22 and I'm still very much a virgin. The most I've ever done with a girl is a snog and those don't come around very often. I'm not particularly embarrassed about my v-plates, I hardly keep it a secret, but the longer I remain a virgin, the more it frustrates me.

Last year, I started talking to a girl at work who I'd always found attractive, but she was always in a relationship. When we got to know each other, she'd split up with her boyfriend and, inevitably, I started to think of her as a potential girlfriend. I told her how I felt but she said she didn't see me in that way. She got back with her fella and split up again for months. I eventually gave up on anything happening between us and we remained pretty good friends even know.

Earlier this year, I started to fall for another girl who, as time went on, I genuinely believe is as close to my perfect girl that I've yet come across. I continually felt as though she liked me too but she has started seeing someone else.

Because I have a low self esteem, I find it difficult to approach girls. I've always put a lot of it down to my virginity.

Sorry for the essay, but I feel the backstory is necessary.

I've been thinking recently of asking girl 1 to take my virginity. She's always said she can trust me with her life and i feel like I can trust her too, especially as she has left our place of work so I its unlikely to spread around like wildfire if I asked.

But is it worth it? I'm worried she might think I want more and it'd jeprodise our friendship and I'm worried if she said yes that'd I'd want a relationship with her afterwards.

What do you guys think, should I put it on the line to get the monkey off my back?

View related questions: at work, girl at work, self esteem, split up

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A female reader, Gabrielle Stoker United States +, writes (23 June 2010):

Gabrielle Stoker agony auntYours does not sound like the ideal situation for this sort of arrangement. You will almost surely sabotage your relationship with this first girl who appears to be a good friend.

Please try to establish a good, romantic relationship with the girl you really fancy and see if that leads to something special.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

"If she doesn't like you, she'll tell you to stop. Even then, don't give up hope - just carry on next time you are together as if nothing had been said. Women change their mind with amazing speed and at surprising times."

Maybe I'm taking this out of context, but do not take this advice. No means no.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010):

My advice. Don't do it.

Firstly you not getting a girlfriend in no way has anything to do with your virginity. If you think it does, don't make a big deal about it with the next girl that comes around. Wait until you feel you're in a place to discuss your physical relationship. I know plenty of women who wouldn't mind either way, knowing whether their man was a virgin, and in my case I'd prefer it.

Secondly, there's a reason that you've maintained your virginity for so long, whether you consciously know what that reason is or not. And that's not saying to put it on a pedestal or any other b.s. someone might say.

Giving yourself completely for the first time should be special and no doubt would be an emotionally impactful experience. It's normal that you would want more of a relationship with this girl afterwards, because sex is supposed to be a physical and emotional link between two deeply involved people. Frankly, that's honorable and natural.

If you do it, you'll either get hurt, or regret it.

Wait for Miss Right.

Good luck.

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A male reader, seneca United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2010):

NO!

Don't put it like that - nothing more likely to put her off you.

If you like her so much, just go along the normal boyfriend/girlfriend route. Go out together a lot, get to kiss goodnight when you take her home, let the goodnight kisses get more passionate, set up a situation when you are alone together, get talking intimately, kiss her, cuddle her, touch her, let nature take its course.

Don't worry about what might or might not happen. If she likes you, she will be way ahead of you and accede to your every move. If she doesn't like you, she'll tell you to stop. Even then, don't give up hope - just carry on next time you are together as if nothing had been said. Women change their mind with amazing speed and at surprising times.

But saying 'please take my virginity because no one else will' is a 100% guaranteed turnoff!

Good luck. Oh, and by the way, don't be embarrassed if the first time is a disaster - she'll understand if you laugh about it and say it's because your so crazy about her. If you've been waiting so long, premature ejaculation is almost bound to happen. Don't worry - give it ten minutes of kissing and cuddling and you'll be up and running again.

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A female reader, Becca64 United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2010):

Becca64 agony auntI think you should wait until you are with someone special. :)

Its a big step and if you do it with the right person it will be really special for you both

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