Should he choose to end the relationship, will he ever realize what he would lose?

A female age , *aburrow writes:

Met bf 10 mos. ago. Great relationshi; no fights/arguments. Due to our belief/faith, no sex w/o marriage. Not to say we do not show physical affection (intense at times) to one another. He 53 widower of 3.5 yrs, me 47 divorced for 4 yrs. We have spoken of marriage between us, his late wife including her cancer and passing, the complexities of being a single parent, this roller coaster called life, God and everything in between; intellectually compatible. Recently he has been distant; physically (lack of affection) as well as emotionally; idle chit chat instead of communication. After some prodding, he states that he has doubts about our relationship; whether he is ready for one (I am the 1st relationship, serious and otherwise, since his wife's passing), maybe he was meant to be alone, concerns about finances, health (I'm assuming, understandably, due to his late wife's illness that led to her death), what we have to offer one another, our opposite work schedules (we see each other once a week due to my job and where I live), he even mentioned his concern of the possibility of me gaining weight?? (I'm curvy, not fat. He has mentioned more often than not, resisting temptation is getting more and more difficult; always complimenting me on my feminine attributes). Told him that I nor life has guarantees, but I am not going to leave a great relationship because of that. Had this talk a few times within the past few weeks; feel as though I am trying to convince him to stay in the relationship. No one wants to be "talked" into a relationship. He states that he likes me ...alot in addition to loving me. After these talks, I am apprehensive about coming on strong, so I pull back somewhat emotionally/physically. He comes on just as strong as before his pulling away; confusing me to no end! I had planned to move closer to him so we could see each other more often, now I am at a standstill. My job is closer to where I am now, but don't mind the drive knowing what the payoff would be. I am close to his kids (mine are grown and live in another state) and they see me as a fixture in their lives (1 still lives @ home; 16 yrs. old). Again, even during these talks, no fighting. There is crying on my part, aggravation/annoyance (on both sides) but no fighting/arguing. I stated to him that I feel he is making excuses; dwelling too much on the what if's. So, since I am going out of town to visit my kids for a week, I asked him to take that time to look into his heart and really see me and whether or not I am what he truly wants. I told him he is worth fighting for and I will do whatever is in my power to make this work, but I can't do it alone; he has to want and put the energy into this as well. I Love him dearly and don't want to lose him; it's difficult to not want to pick up the phone or see him to tell him over and over again how much I Love, want and need him! I am a patient woman, yet, we are not kids anymore and life is short. I'm hoping this is normal behaviour for a widower and he will realize that I can offer a fullfilling life, a different way, another point of view. I want and expect that if this relationship is to work, he needs to be consistent and want this to progress towards marriage.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010):

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