A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 23 years old and am currently in a bit of a pickle. I have a girlfriend who I love very much and we have been in a relationship for the past two years. A year ago, I slept with a close friend of hers. I am still seeing this friend and we have slept together many times. Then in January, I met this other girl at a party and hit it off with her. I'm afraid my girlfriend will find out about my other relationships and amn't sure what to do. I do love her but the sex has gotten boring and the relationship has become a bit mundane at this stage. Her friend, who I've been sleeping with for the past year, is much more fun to be with - and the sex is great. As for the third girl, she's easily the hottest girl I've ever dated and is really wild in bed. I spend every weekend at her place. What I need help in deciding is which girl I should choose to stay with - the boring girlfriend I love, the fun friend or the hot ultravixen? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (27 April 2008):
Sleeping with other girls it what made sex with your girlfriend become boring! All your sexual energy and creativeness is being focused in physical relationships with other girls. So by the time you have sex with your girlfriend (who you claim you love) you are not totally into it because you're too busy comparing sex with her to sex with these other chicks. Also, since you are not giving yourself totally to her, her response isn't gonna be as exciting. What you give is what you get. You need to stop sleeping with these other women or your relationship with your GF will fail.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Wow, you really are in a pickle. You think love is about how you feel and not about the other person....trust me, you don't know the first thing about love....love is being a person worthy of love, it is about commitment and putting the needs of the other person first most of the time, it is about taking into consideration their needs and meeting them through action.
What you have done is repeatedly disregarded the right for your girlfriend to chose a relationship that she wants with you. You have kept her in the dark, betrayed her trust by allowing her to believe that she is your exclusive partner, not only be sleeping with another girl, but with one of her friends, this is especially cruel because not only will she feel crushed and betrayed by you, but by her girl friend as well, what a shitty lesson to learn about how disappointing people can be.
You don't show enough character to be a loving boyfriend. If you think your relationship is boring and the sex is stale, guess what, it takes two and you are just as boring as she is if you can't keep things close and interesting.
Break up with the girlfriend, do her a favor and set her free to find the kind of relationship she deserves and wants because you are offering nothing but hurt....the other girls are your sex objects and that is clearly what you are into now, so go screw as many girls as you have time for, just don't lead them on in thinking that you are ready for anything more.
You don't love your girlfriend, you love the security of having someone support you emotionally, but you couldn't possibly love her and care for her and do something like this behind her back and feel so cavalier about it, as if all you have to decide is which girl do you keep....when what you ought to be deciding is what it is you want to give to a girl instead and ask yourself if you are ready to be anybody's commited lover, and if you were, you would chose the girl you love.
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A
male
reader, DearSteve +, writes (27 April 2008):
 If you’re messing around behind your girlfriends back, you obviously have no intention of putting some effort in and making your relationship work, so stop making a fool of her and let her go. It’s easy to have a ‘safe option’, somebody to keep the bed warm, but it’s a selfish reason and you’ll ultimately end up hurting her. By all means have a bit of fun, you’re only young once. Just make sure you’re in a position that allows you to do it; i.e. free and single. Don’t worry so much about choosing who to be with, that question will answer itself when you find the right girl. Just don’t put risk somebody elses feelings when you don’t really need to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): In all honesty i think you should leave you girlfriend as you obviously cannot love someone who you repeatedly cheat on. First of all her friend knows about your relationship and if she is gonna do that to her best friend she will do it to you if you got together with her. As she obviously lacks morals and self respect. And about the new woman you have met it isn't about looks or how good she is in bed. Your probably one of many men she has picked up at parties and i'm sure you wont be the last. I don't mean to be rude but to say your girlfriend is boring is disgusting if you don't want to be with some1 don't. But don't string them along, because if you love her you will want her to do better than some1 that cheats on her.
In my opinion you should tell your girlfriend and at least give her a choice if she wants to be with some1 that is goin to mess her around. Which i can almost guarentee she wont want to be. Probably the reason you haven't told her for like a year. And about the other women if they know your in a relationship and are letting you do this to your girlfriend, are they rele the type of people you wanna be with? Cos i'm sure if they have not guilt they wont when they are cheating on you. And you'll end up alone because the woman who actually loved you, you messed around. Remember what goes around comes around. Sorry to be blunt but I feel it needs to be said.
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A
female
reader, purplecloud03  +, writes (27 April 2008):
 well, from what uve said u dont really love your girlfriend, cheating on her or having an affair is the worst way u can hurt a girl ever. so clearly u dont care for her...why are you still with her if u have no fun..what does she do for u that keeps u with her?
the other girls well..from what uve said they r just great for sex..if there is any other emotional connecetion then maybe there might be something. but if u just think they r great for the sex and their looks then ur a jerk. STOP being unfair to your girlfriend because as soon as she finds out ur history..and im pretty sure she will never talk to u again.
if u love her tell her...but i doubt she will forgive u..you have done something unforgivable.
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