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anonymous
writes: Hey there,Until the beginning of this year, I've had a serious case of Social Anxiety Disorder. I've just gotten used to making friends, and now I'm attracted to someone! I wouldn't have any problem asking her out, if it weren't for the fact that she's as quiet as I was. I have managed to become something akin to friends with her. We talk every now and then, but only online, or if some of our other friends are around. Not only that, but from what I've gathered, she doesn't trust many guys (a success on my part, I suppose…) and she doesn't seem in any rush to get into a relationship anytime soon.So, my question is, should I be satisfied with being friends, or should I take a risk and try to get closer to her (and if so, how should I go about it?)Thanks for the help,Inconveniently Confused Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2005): Friends do stuff together, it doesn't need to be a 'date'. It's a good first step. And chatting on line is fine if that's easier for her. Maybe she likes museums or films or something that you can go along to with her without being 'together'. Get her talking about stuff she is into... maybe there is a band you both like that are playing soon. You could say 'Listen, I am getting a ticket for ...who ever... on the ..when ever... do you want me to get you one too?'If you get this time with her then don't come on to her, just spend some time with her and make her feel comfortable talking to you, and you her. As the time together comes to an end then say something like, 'I realy enjoyed mself today.' hopefully she will agree with you. You can then say 'we should do this again sometime.' Have a suggestion up your sleeve! Don't push for a relationship straight off, that could send her into her shell. Spend some time together and see what feels comfortable for both of you. Baby steps, one at a time.Hope it works out.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (11 February 2005):
 It seems to me that you aren't exactly satisfied with just being friends with this girl so I think you do need to find a way to test the waters...She appears rather shy and untrusting of men but this doesn't mean this has to be difficult necessarily.Why not ask her out online? Simply say something along the lines of; " How about a drink one day?" or if you wish to be a little more tentative, broach the subject by enquiring as to her likes and dislikes. Does she enjoy going to the cinema ? Does she like walking ? What does she do in her spare time ? Then try to think of something you could both do along those lines. Make it apparent that you are simply being friendly and that you enjoy her company. Obviously don't be too heavy as that may frighten her off.You don't have to rush into a relationship with her, initially just try to get to know each other and take it at a steady pace.She may just want to be friends which you will just have to accept. Continue to build up your confidence and you will find someone soon.Good luck.Good luck.
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