A
male
age
30-35,
*axi89
writes:There's this girl in college i'm very good friends. I had very strong feelings for her. We talked very regularly. Then i kind of let her know i liked her. She didn't say no or yes. but she went like She doesn't want to make things weird for us and She wanted to tell me this because she'd never want to put me in that position and that i'll always be her buddy. So lately she's been avoiding talking to me. She doesn't speak to me as regularly as she used to. I'm always the one to intiate the conversation. Thing is she had a bad experience with her ex and has trust issues. I dont know what to do. Cos even if she doesnt like me back i dont want to lose her as a friend. I really care about her. I even threw her a surprise birthday party 2 months prior.
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female
reader, Pixie.Greatorex  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Ah it's a shame that your friendship has changed in this way; I'd imagine that it may take some time for her to put what happened between you behind her. Maybe the best thing to do is to give her a little bit of space and if your friendship together is worth having then i'm sure she will seek you out again soon. I guess you can not control other peoples behaviour but you can control your own and we all know that the unobtainable is invariably desirable. Good luck with whatever you decide to do x
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (3 March 2013):
Hi there. A bad experience with a previous relationship will naturally make her wary of starting any new relationships, for sure.
So maybe, the next time you start a conversation with her, just apologise for making her feel a bit uncomfortable by telling her you liked her.
Then say to her, that you would still like to be her buddy, if that is okay.
And say it without any expectation of more.
And add to that, that you won't do that again and can you put it behind you, so you can resume being friends again.
And see what she says to that.
It will at least take the pressure off what happened before.
And even though you do like her, and would like to be her boyfriend, just don't say anything about it again, so things don't become awkward like before.
And just see over time, how things pan out.
She may not be interested in a boyfriend and girlfriend type of relationship just yet, as she might still be getting over the last relationship.
And it is never a good idea to get into a new relationship too soon after one that has just ended.
It does need some time - perhaps several months, until a person is emotionally ready to be begin a new one.
It does take some healing.
Friendship is good, and with time who knows, it might become something more.
For now though, let her call the shots.
For the moment, you will have to be content with being friends.
And friends, without applying any pressure on her, for it to be anything more.
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