A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My relationship with my girlfriend seemed to be going really well, and after a normal night out with some friends she suddenly broke up with me.She's had some mental health problems since well before we started dating, and when we were first deciding whether to date or not she at first said no as she wasn't sure she could be in a relationship. However, she then decided it was time to move on from whatever happened in her past that made her feel so bad and we went out for 4 months. During that time we didn't really kiss or anything, mainly as she was too nervous to let anyone but the guy initiate anything and I had never had any experience of dating before.. Anyway, things had been going good recently and I was going out of my way to be nicer to her than usual. I actually planned to kiss her properly for the first time on the Sunday, but the break-up happened on the Friday.She told me that she had realized that she's not mentally in a place where she can date right now. She said there's the pressure of having to do something (which probably means anything ranging from holding hands to sex) is more pressure than she needs right now. I told her I was fine to wait for however long she needed but she said if I was waiting she'd be under pressure to get better, and if she never does it wouldn't be fair on me.I reacted in a pretty bad way, and basically spent the weekend trying to find a way for us to continue dating. Eventually I decided we can just stay good friends.However, I feel more depressed than I have before. The worst thing is, she still likes me and wishes she could be okay with dating so she didn't have to break-up but she's just not able to cope with the pressure she seems to think being in a relationship has. So, we both still like each another and the problem is she can't be in a relationship right now.If I stay good friends with her, and don't mention the waiting thing, so you think she'll eventually maybe go back out with me? I'm not going to put my life on hold, obviously, but I'm curious as to if we may have a future if she works through her problems and we're both still single and friends at the end of that.The fact that we still like each another a lot is what makes me think I should keep the option open of being with her when/if she feels better in the future.
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, her past, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): The guy who wrote this agaian...It's been a week since she broke up with me and already she's being very bitchy and mean to me, and is openly flirting with my best friend in front of me. They're both going to the cinema together tomorrow with their younger brothers. I feel so hurt.Why is she doing this if she geniunely cares about me?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): Hi hun,
she may be feeling guilt as she feels what ever happened to be her fault..
it sounds like something bad happened, and she may take it out on herself. If she was on meds and now they dont appear to be working, Then she really should go back love, but no one can make her, i wouldnt like to say what depression it is it could be clinical..
she is def in a stage of not liking or caring about herself though, I do hope it all gets better in time for her and you TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXX
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Another thing from the guy who wrote this...
I do know she had a shrink and was on meds before the incident that she feels guilty about. Apparantly she was taken off them both two months before she did whatever she did. And she refuses to go back to a shrink now because she believes she deserves her suffering. She's also currently on meds which she says don't work.
It may well be for clinical depression.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Hey, I'm the guy who asked the question..
She seems to have done something in her past that she deeply regrets. She won't tell me what it is, but she's racked with guilt over it and feels she "deserves to be in Hell". I think maybe she doesn't feel she deserves a happy relationship, but that's just speculation as she said she deserves to feel bad. She thinks she did something evil and can be never redeemed.
I think it may be connected to men, as apparantly she goes into periods of absolutely despising men and she said she can't trust them at all as they're all "potential rapists".
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Hi love,
You mention she has had problems mental health issues, do you no what happened? As this plays a big part in what is happening now, I cant really speculate im just thinking has something bad happened to her concerning abuse with a male in her past, I may be completely wrong its just a thought, you dont mention if its a illness i.e clinical depression, she does,nt sound manic depressed the way you have worded it makes me think something must have triggered this off...
I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress after my ex husband constantly threatened me with knives and he tryed to kill me, now i couldnt go near a male and was very nervous for along time, but it wasnt untill 2yrs after this happened i got very ill, and withdrawn and everything was to much pressure as i thought the person who i was with couldnt cope with who i was even though i didnt show it on the outside, in my head i thought i was to much pressure for them as i felt it so much inside. its hard to explain but if this is how she is feeling i can understand why she bailed out for no apparent reason. You could be a good friend for her at the moment, i no its hard love believe me it may work out you will never end up as a couple again or it could go entirely the opposite way and you being there may give her the support she needs to get well.. Your right when you say you cant put your life on hold you have a life and you have to live it, i hope im making sense, if she can see that she has someone to trust even as a friend the pressure will lift a little more as time goes on and she will start to heal, whatever happened in the past needs time to heal before she can start feeling good about herself again and then being able to let someone in... I DO HOPE THIS HAS HELPED YOU LOVE GOOD LUCK TO THE BOTH OF YOU LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXX
...............................
|
