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She says she loves me but her actions don't always show it.

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 March 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 June 2008)
A age 30-35, * writes:

Right now my girlfriend is studying abroad over in England. Our relationship started out as, and has always been, a distance relationship so that part isn't new. We have been going out for 11+ months.

Right now I am having problems with what my girlfriend says versus what she does. She tells me how much she cares about me and that she loves me, but her actions portray her not wanting to spend time with me or talk to me. If someone tells you that they love you, but then seems to treat you like a safety net (comes to you when they need help or when there aren't other things to do) do they really mean it?

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A male reader, Ehsan Pakistan +, writes (10 June 2008):

I am also relationship with a girl for last 4 years. Its almost distance relationship. She also says that she loves me but she is too busy to spare time for me. I still hang on; I have put no conditionality in our love! If she will step away, I will still love her. Though I miss her very very much many a times in a day....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

poppycorn that sounds like what is going on. She treats me more like a friend then a lover.

Another thing, is that we try and build things up again, but then she starts going back to the way she was, and then I get mad and she doesn't understand why. She thinks that once she is trying to turn things around that the trust should just all be built up again when really she is walking on thin ice.

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A female reader, poppycorn United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2008):

I've recently been in this situation. My boyfriend moved away to uni and after a while he'd stop calling, texting etc. unless he wanted something or felt down. I was always the one doing the chasing but even then he'd make an excuse not to talk or wot eva.

When i confronted him he appologised and said he loved me so much and that he would change. He did for a week then things went back to how they were.

I ended the relationship about a month ago as i wasn't happy anymore. I'm not saying u should do this, but think u love her and would u put her through what she's doing to you..? i couldnt imagen doing it to my ex i loved him so much and thats when i realised he didnt really love me, he just thought he did. He loved the fact that he had someone when he wanted/when he needed. I suppose i was more of a best friend than a lover.

Hope you work things out

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

I understand that this is a differerent situation, but I can kind of relate to what you're saying. I used to tell my bf I loved him all the time (and I did, I really did) but sometimes I just didnt act like it at all. Not often, but if I was particularly tired or upset, I wasn't that pleasant to him. But again, I used him as my 'safety net' and he was always there for me, and that was what built our relationship up stronger.

Now for me, I wasn't acting like that because I didn't love him, no way, I just had my ups and downs - and on the downs, he didnt see the best side of me. She might be going through a bit of a tough time at the moment, so try talking to her about it and ask if she's got any problems or anything influencing her actions. If she says she hasnt, then maybe she's getting a little tired of how your relationship is so long distance - it can't be easy, holding a relationship together when you're apart a lot.. So yes, talk to her, and then rethink your relationship if talking to her doesn't change anything. Good luck :]

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