A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:well ive been friends with this girl for about 5 yarswe get along realy well she is amazing.... but ive developed feelings for her and last week dropped the bomb that these feelings were there..... and she just said she doesnt see us in that way...i dont think ive read the signals wrong lately we have been seeing a lot of each other we always texting and she invites me over to watch dvds ect. playful touching and hitting... eyecontact is always there... dont know what to do....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Google the concept of "Ladder Theory" and relationships.
A
female
reader, Natalie:)  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 the only way to get out the friend boundary is to make sure she sees you as a sexual male rather than a mate. Asert your manlyness around her.?thats the only way it could ever work for me, hope that helps, message me if you want to know more
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A
male
reader, citic101  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 what she means is that she doesnt "fancy you" or you "dont float her boat" if after 5 years nothing has happend it will not , but if you realy like her you have to play it smart by getting a girlfriend showing her that you are a "catch" women love men they cant have , make her see you are happy without her if you want her
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A
female
reader, Viv Acious +, writes (14 November 2010):
This is such a tricky one.
In a nutshell, try and spend time apart. Because what can happen is that you could start to emotionally tread water. You will neither move forwards not backwards - you will stay in the same place, HOPING that if you show more affection , more time, then she will feel the same way about you. You will not go out or dates or look for another because you think she may change and time will pass.
You may also get resentful and angry at her and lash out.
My advice, take time apart. This doesn't mean you want to end the friendship or never see her again - but you have to make a break and accept she doesn't want you for a boyfriend. You need to process this information and accept it.
You have my sympathy - this is never an easy situation.
X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): It must have been disappointing for you when she told you she doesn't see you in that way. I guess she is happy being just friends, and doesn't feel anything more than that. If you have been developing feelings for her, you will unconsciously be looking for signs to see if she feels the same way. So any friendly gestures suddenly take on a greater significance than they did before. So you may believe the eye contact, texting, and playfulness means she feels the same way about you, when really, it may simply be innocent playfulness and affection she is showing to you as a friend.
It must be difficult if you have feelings that are not mutual, but she has told you how she feels. So I guess the only thing you can do is remain friends with her, and try and accept her feelings. Good luck.
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