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male
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anonymous
writes: Recently my girlfriend of 1 year has decided she no longer wishes for us to have sex. She will not give me a reason, and when i ask her why she does not want to she says, i dont know. I can deal with waiting for a bit because i love her dearly, but when i ask if we will ever be able to again she also says she doesnt know. I am 99% sure she isnt cheating on me or anything, and the only reason why it bothers me so muchg is because i dont have a reason as to why. What should i do in my position. I am willing to wait, but i want to have sex with her again at some point. Is it okay for me to have a certain time limit to myself that i should wait because it is a bit unfair to me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2006): Hi, to be honest its not that uncommon for a woman (not sure about men) to lose all sexual appetite after having a very good sex life. I've just turned 19 and i to have put my partner in the same position that you are in. Sometimes there isn't a reason, although its usually hormones. in my case after a few months of not being intimate i began to feel eroused again and my partner and I have had a very good sex life since.I think the best way to deal with this situation is to talk, even if your the one doing all the talking. Sometimes it can be very intimidating when someone expects answers from you especially when you don't know why it is your feeling the way you do. Did something happen, was something said before she stopped being inimate with you? has something happened in her past? Sometimes as a woman penetration can seen like a very intimate thing as your allowing someone in - maybe shes just scared and shy and she's only now feeling confident within the relationship to stop the sex. I hope my explanation makes sence. please don't expect to many answers from her, just be there and tell her your happy to wait. I know this can be fustrating but I think your girlfriend needs it.Hope this helps x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are both 18 and have been having sex for 5 months before she wanted to stop without a reason.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): Obviously you see that sex isn't the whole of a relationship. Perhaps you should look at this from the point of view of its effect on the relationship as a whole?Have you tried explaining to her (calmly) how you feel about her, and the fact that she doesn't want sex any more? I think you should try explaining to her that you find the situation confusing and that, if there's a problem, you want to help.Be aware that loss of sexual appetite can be linked to medical problems - if your girlfriend genuinely no longer wants sex and doesn't know why, perhaps you could encourage her to see a doctor?I don't think setting a time limit is a good idea. Clearly you want to have sex again. As far as I know, most women like sex too. Have you asked what about sex she doesn't like - does she still enjoy cuddling, non-sexual touching and other forms of physical intimacy? Has penetrative sex become painful for her? How does she feel about, say, oral sex? That way at least you would feel less frustrated.Hope this helps.
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reader, David Lewis  +, writes (30 July 2006):
 How old are you both?
There could be a number of reasons for this.
1 - She feels like you only want sex from her and wants to test how much you love her.
2 - She feels unready or uncomfortable.
Just be there and try to support her best you can, but try not to pressure her.
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