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She is the love of my life and the air that I breathe... how can I get her back permanently?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 November 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 28 November 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, *ead Man Walking writes:

I've been dating this woman on and on for the past 12 years. She is also the mother of our 3 Children. Back in 06, She cheated on my with the guy across the street from our house while I was at work. I found out about it a couple of months afterwards. She told me the reason was that I was not spending any time with her and the kids. The days that I was off, I will be asleep.

Now, I was doing the dirt also but now I regret even doing the things that I was doing. Now, Years later. I want her back. We still sleep together from time to time. But now, I want this woman back. She is in another relationship now and it hits me to death. I'm not with anyone.

I asked her this morning if she wants me to leave her alone so she can move on with her life. She responded by saying that she does not know what she wants to do. She is the love of my life and the air that I breath. What should I do? Please help me, Please.

View related questions: at work, move on

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009):

She violated your trust and she isn't the one pining for you. I think that you will never again have the same relationship and she will be distant and not fully enveloped with you. I think you would do better with another woman with whom you can attain a deep level of trust and who would not be so stand-offish.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009):

The secret is that you do your darndest to move on and make it visible. Right now she knows that she's got you as a backup and she can do whatever she wants. She needs to begin to doubt that. Only then will she begin thinking about the reality of losing you.

How you do this is up to you. Obviously you guys have kids so cutting contact isn't a possibility. No more sleeping with her! Maybe get involved in new activities, become excited about your life, be a little mysterious... Only when she feels like you might not be the given that she thinks you are will she fully appreciate you.

Oh, and don't try to start up a new relationship if your heart isn't in it - that isn't fair to the new gal.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009):

The secret is that you do your darndest to move on and make it visible. Right now she knows that she's got you as a backup and she can do whatever she wants. She needs to begin to doubt that. Only then will she begin thinking about the reality of losing you.

How you do this is up to you. Obviously you guys have kids so cutting contact isn't a possibility. No more sleeping with her! Maybe get involved in new activities, become excited about your life, be a little mysterious... Only when she feels like you might not be the given that she thinks you are will she fully appreciate you.

Oh, and don't try to start up a new relationship if your heart isn't in it - that isn't fair to the new gal.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009):

If she cheats with you while in her current relationship... Stay away!

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A male reader, tabassco United States +, writes (27 November 2009):

by her saying "she does not know what she wants to do." then u just need to show u love her and offer to babysit the children when needed and not so she can go see the other man, take the children to the park when she comes to pick them up tell her you all just got there not 10 minutes ago and she should stay for a while and then if she stays so the kids can play then take every one to get icream and then while the kind are running and playing and laughing pull her to u say "i love u" then her name and kiss her hard and long and hopfully that helps. hey thats how i got my wife, been hitched for 3 years now ever since i was 19. best of luck to ya

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