A
male
age
51-59,
*mulindwa
writes:I started a courtship with a girl in 2003, at the end of 2004 we stopped the courtship because she was pregnant and she had never slept with me. A year later we started dating again and developed an interesting and serious relationship. She is now pregnant for four months. All along i knew she was a very stubborn girl but did not not that she used to carelessly sleep with many men (even during my courtship). Last week i bumped into one of her former boy friends who she has always claimed to be her friend (and still keeps his photograph) and he told me a lot of shocking information about my girl friend (thinking i am her brother). When i told her about it, she denied but left the home in my absence. She went to an unknown place that even my in-laws don't know. She has even switched off her phone.I feel i miss her much, but also i don't how i will handle the fact that she recklessly slept with numerous men even when she was in my courtship.I am also wondering, that instead of just apologizing to me she just decided to disappear.I feel sorry despite the fact that she is pregnant.By the way, she has always lamented about her past and she has for several time apologized to me for mis-treating me during courtship.advise
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male
reader, Amulindwa +, writes (8 August 2009):
Amulindwa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Irish49, I am working hard to forget her. I have a feeling this time we have together she was not cheating on me because she was struggling to change and we used to be together all the time apart from during day. I will do DNA test for the kid. But i don't know how to go about depression, helplessness, loss of appetite,thinking about her all the time, loss of concentration on work. I wish i could overcome these.
anthony
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): Where is the child from the first pregnancy? And you say she is pregnant again...with your child? To be honest, I am wondering if she's bailed on the relationship because she's found no other way to explain herself. I realize you miss her and care for her but the awful truth is, she does not feel about your relationship the way you do. If she did -she would never have done what she did. ..or is still doing to you.
There could be some people that could tell you, 'forgive..get past this because you love her'. I say, don't do that. Before you decide that, remember when you decide to to put her infidelities behind you, you could forever sentence yourself to a future of always wondering. (when will she do it again?) Every time you go to call her at home from work, and she's not home, you will wonder. Where will your thoughts go? Hun, the trust has been shattered to smithereens, here. Don't put yourself through that? There will be people who will say, honest and openly talking will solve everything. I say..no. If she's cheated on you, she lied..can you really, really expect honesty from her? Gauging your posting here, you seem like an upfront, decent guy. The entire time you've been involved with her romantically, can we assume you've played it straight with her? I am thinking here that-you haven't lied to her nor cheated. If this is true, you need to wonder why, did she not do the same for you?
Now the issue of her pregnancy, has to be dealt with. You need DNA tests to find out if you are the biological father. If so, and she raises this child, you will be on the hook to pay child support. Better yet, in light of her behaviors..if it turns out it's your child...go for full custody.
But my opinion is, she's not a keeper. She's far too immature and complicated. Leave her be for awhile..give her space. And when she gets back..tell her it's done. Don't do it angrily. Do it calmly and maturely. Then make the courageous efforts to heal and recover, dear. Eventually, you can reclaim your integrity, learn more wisdom about life and loving, and you will find someone who can appreciate what you have to offer. Life is too short to settle for this.
Take care and good luck, dear.
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