A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really like this girl, in fact, I think I am in love with her! We met a few months ago at school and I felt like we had an instant connection. She is a little shy and new to my school, so I decided not to pressure her by telling her how I felt about her too soon. We have become really good friends though, and a few times I have almost asked her out, but the moment never feels right. I seemed to really like me too, until recently... She has been a bit preoccupied with getting her friend a boyfriend, but still she seems to be avoiding me and not paying me much attention when I am with her... she even said (to her friend, but still right in front of me) that she had no intention of getting a boyfriend.Before, every moment with her felt magical and I thought I had found the perfect girl, but now it's awkward with her and I feel like I have totally lost her. So, is there anything I can do to get her back?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (1 December 2010):
Hi there. If she's not ready to have a boyfriend, you can't do anything about that.
She probably said that in front of you, just so you might ease off a bit on her. Things could change in future though.
So in the meantime, if you are at least friends, well that's a start.
Whenever you see her, just say - "Hi! How's things?" - and give her a little smile, but then keep walking or doing whatever you were doing before that.
The main thing is, don't try to put pressure on her to be your girlfriend. Just stay friends and try to get to know her better over the weeks, and see how things pan out over time. Also, don't be too eager either, because she will see that as pressure. In other words, don't always be hovering around her, because that makes you look desperate - and you don't want that.
It might be a few months before she gets into the feeling of wanting to find a boyfriend. For now though, you will just have to be patient and stay calm. Don't give up.
Good luck and best wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): well there is hope, she only theoretically doesn't want a bf, in reality she is likely to be more flattered! Has she said that because her friend has had bad experiences with this trying to find a bf? Also, don't fall into the friend category, you wont get out. Trust me i'm a girl once we see you as a friend and almost a brother there is no spark
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 These are very mixed signals which you're getting, so my best advice for you is to say it to her. Ask her out properly. It doesn't have to be romantic or anything, but if it's ever just the two of you, or if you aren't brave enough, text it to her.
She might say yes, but bear in mind that she might actually not want a boyfriend, so she might need some time to think about it.
good luck
xx
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A
male
reader, ArsenalFC87  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 absolutely my friend. absolutely.
first off, you need to distance yourself from her STAT. i always say this when it comes to getting a girl to want you; its all about the chase. you need to give her space. the worst thing you can do is always hover around her or be the one who always iniates the conversation or the one who always seeks her out. you need to show her that you've got a life outside of her and that shes not a big deal to you(even though she is).
My guess is, at first she socialized with you a lot because she was the new girl. typical. shes putting her feelers out there. getting acquainted with the new playing field. using you as a channel for information on certain people, social norms, different social aggregates and what they're into, whos in, whos not. that sort of thing. you mistook this for her being into. completely understandable. once she started getting comfortable she began to shift away. girls are extremely keen on picking up when guys like them. im not saying you were too overt with her or anything, but you acted a certain way around her which led her to believe that she has you in her back pocket. big mistake. now its time for damage control.
as i said before give her space. dont flat out ignore her or anything, just keep it short and cordial. you pass by her in the halls, say hey, smile, keep walking. dont stop and converse with her. remember, you have better things to do than to shoot the breeze with her(even though thats not the case, thats what we want her to believe).
next you must master the art of flirtation. flirt with as many girls as possible. she needs to see that you are totally capable of having any girl you want. this depicts your self-worth. she sees you as a, lets say, "significant catch". this is extremely important. you need to display your value not only amongst the girls, but the school in general. join school functions, be a part of the school community. sounds lame right? it works.
when you see her in the halls and youre with your buds, focus on your buds, not her.
when you see her in the hall and youre hanging around other girls, flirt with those girls. focus on them not her.
she does not exsist. and if she does, its merely for the sake of you saying hello, life is good? great. boom. see ya later.
A wise man once said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Boom. dont know who that guy was, but hes hella right. you need to get this girl to think man what happend to john? he used to pay all this attention to me, now he barely gives me the time of day. i thought i was a gem in his eyes, but im clearly just a rhinestone.
keep your distance, show no empathy, establish petty surface flirtatious relationships with other girls, when shes around focus on everyone else except her. advertise your value and worth while being calm, cool, and collected. remind her that youre one in a million. youre a great catch. its a privilege for her to have a relationship with you.
remember dude, she came into YOUR school. you run that place. shes on YOUR turf.
you can have any girl you want man. keep in mind its all about presentation. even if you arent the king of that school, as long as you present yourself that way, theres no stopping you.
You can do this bud!
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