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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for a while now. We are both ready to have sex and are both over the legal age, but every time we have tried I find it painful and we have to stop. Is there anything we could do to make it less painful? I feel like I'm messing him around when we have to stop and I don't think that it is fair. Please can you give us some tips or advice. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (23 March 2005):
 A few quick tips:Don't rush straight into penetrative sex. Give yourself plenty of time to get into the mood, with oral sex (both giving and receiving), mutual masturbation and other types of foreplay. Take an hour, take two! Watch some porn together, or whatever it takes to get YOU really ready. Don't be guided by your boyfriend's level of interest, since men are several millions of times easier to arouse than women, (generally speaking).Get some water-based lubricant and use it generously the first few times. Have him rub some on his penis too.Your boyfriend's going to need to be extra controlled for a while. Let him know what level of discomfort is tolerable and what's actual pain. If it's only discomfort, tell him to stay still while you take a few deep breaths and do your best to relax.Bear in mind that your first few sexual experiences are likely to be less than fulfilling. It gets much, much better over time.If all else fails, go and see your doctor and have a quick check to make sure that there aren't any physical reasons for the pain.Good luck. Have fun!
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