A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused and a little frustrated. For some reason, I rarely ever enjoy sex. Right now I am with my first boyfriend and we started having sex a little over three months ago and I still haven't been able to fully enjoy myself. I think there was one time that it actually felt good with no discomfort. --- That's all I feel during intercourse, discomfort! And sometimes a little bit of pain. He says it's normal when you first start having sex, but we have had sex quite a few times now, many times actually. My questions is, is this normal? Will sex EVER feel good for me or will I always have to pretend? :( I want to be able to enjoy it, for him and for me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 it requires a lot of communication between you and your boyfriend to bring you to a point where you feel pleasure from sex. he wants to go bang-bang and you wanta slow sensual buildup. make him listen and explain it to him. mens sexuality is basic and women are more complicated. it's because we have a big thing and you have a little thing. do you understand what you want? sex should be more holistic than just contact with the genitals. se if you know what you want and go for it. if you have medical problems go see a doctor.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 August 2011):
 Experiment a little. You'll find what feels good to you. It is true that many who start having sex, it takes a while before it feels good. It might be that you're expecting, not allowing. Or if you have guilt, you can block yourself from feeling good as well. Who knows? In time though, you'll find what you'll enjoy. You said you rarely ever, so think about when you did, and do that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): It's normal for your first time to be a little painful/uncomfy.
But after 3 months, things should be a little better.
Before you have sex do you have plenty of foreplay to relax you? Sometimes it hurts me a bit when I'm not in the mood.
Also, could you be too dry? When turned on your body lubricates itself ready for sex... I found that sometimes this wasn't enough. Why not try some lube? it makes penetration much easier, smoother and much more comfy.
Why not try a different position? Perhaps the pain is due to deep penetration? Try going on top - then you have control over how deep he goes in.
I wouldn't recommend pretending to enjoy it - sex is meant to be pleasure for both people, not just the man.
If you are very worried about it, you could go see your doctor, and see if there's anything they could do
Good luck! x
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