A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been involved with someone for nine months. In some ways, we fit very well. We like to do a lot of the same things and have eerily similar life experiences. Although I don't live with him, I foresee no problems if/when we do (unlike all of my previous boyfriends) because we have the same attitudes towards practical everyday stuff.However, in other ways, we don't fit so well. I feel emotionally unsupported by him -- he's about as unemotional as one can get and just doesn't notice when I have a problem or brushes it off quickly and changes the subject when I try talking about whatever I'm currently dealing with. He's also the least physically affectionate person I've dated, and that's rather important to me.From what I understand, these issues stem from who he is as a person -- not from any problems in our relationship. We've talked about these things, and what ends up happening is that I just accept him for who he is and try to be as happy as I can. After all, no relationship is ever perfect.However, I still can't help second-guessing whether I should continue in this relationship or move on and hope I can find someone better... What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): If those things are importatnt to you (as they would be for most humans)I'd say you've answered your own question. I'm not sure looking for someone "better" is the point, it's more about what suits you. I think you should ask yourself why you been in a relationship like this when clearly he lacks things you want, and why you are "trying" to be happy. Relationships are hard enough in the long term when all the ingredients are there. The early stages of most relationships are usually filled with heaps of emotion and affection. It slows down later. You're starting from behind here. Is that what you want?
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 He is like a lump of clay and you want to make a vase out of it.
You tried and you still cannot make the perfect vase to your satisfaction.
Is it because that lump of clay is not the right material?
Maybe , you need another type of clay to mould the vase that you want.
Stick around till the next one comes into the picture.
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