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Real problems between my son and his step father...any advice please!

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 May 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *oAngryICantCry writes:

I am in a quandary. My son is 10yo, and has behavioral problems. They seem to be getting steadily worse and I know the problem is my husband, his step father. He gets so verbally and mentally abusive when my son messes up, that he just makes it worse. I try and try to talk to him, but it always ends in an argument. My son is the only thing we argue about. The worst thing is, is that he has been my son's Dad since he was a baby. My son has never known any other father. My husband and I have two daughters together that do not have problems, and he does not treat them this way. I want to leave (he won't!) but i don't work because of how high maintenance our situation has become. I have to be here all the time just in case my son does something or says something to set him off. i don't want to leave my daughters either, because I am afraid that if he doesn't have my son to bully, he may eventually turn on one of them. Any suggestions on what steps I can take to keep my family safe?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009):

You have a serious problem here and need to get professional help for Yourself and your can't work this out on your own. If your son is being abused by your husband and you do nothing to stop it, you are considered just as responsible.

I don't mean to sound cold or mean, but that is a fact. God forbid something tragic should would have to face consequences as well!

I was in a similar situation when I was just about your age. I was married to a man who treated me very well. I had 3 children none of them his. My daughters had never known thier father. My son had a very close relationship with his father. My husband spoiled my son and treated him like he was his own. But my daughters were treated terribly. They were young, about 9 and 10 years old. He constantly verbally abused them, and once got physical. That is when I left him. I realized that he had no reason to treat my girls the way he treated my son because he wasn't competing with a biological father!

Your children should be your first priority above all else, including finances.

Don't wait for things to get better by themselves, they won't. Get your son help for his behavioral problems and take it from there. Stand by your Children above all else!


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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009):

Your first priority is to take care of your son. The situation you describe is not healthy for your son, and the things you've tried to do so far haven't helped. If your husband can't change, then you have to remove your son from the situation. It's a difficult circumstance, but you are the only one who can care for your son.

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