A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,just new here trying to get some advice...i have a fiance for over a year now, we have this long distance realationship, . i dont know why he had the attitude of being so "negative thinker" . i cant understand him, if we are together theres no problem i see, we are happy get along together, laughing with each other. and now we are far again, he thinks im being dishonest to him. i am trying to understand him becos he went into depression, but seems like he cant undertsand how i felt, that sometimes i got tired of things that he accuses me! which he dont know the reality. i do love him but sometimes i dont understand him. i dont understand wht he wants! please give me some advice as i cant handle his attitude sometimes. i just want him to realise as well that everytime he accuses me its not my ego was hurt but my feelings.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys!
actually we didnt met online, we met personal over a year ago. i cant blame him anyway, becos i lied about how i felt at first.he drop me then when last last year december and after 3mos i guess he send me message about he is inetrested in me then a month afetr he took his holy week here and then we started our relationship officially, so things has chaged, l like him becos he care for me and i can see in him that he love my son as well,he accept me with i have and acceptme for who i am and it goes well.. we see each other on skype talking evrything, and we are ok.. he invited me in bangkok to come to his fathers place, we had 2 weeks there and it has no problem about how we deal on each other, we are very ok..
but recently he has that attitude that i cant handle, i know its becos i lied how i felt, but how many tears would fall from my eyes until he trusted me?how many accuses he will push on me?? i got tired sometimes
he said he will on first so, i decided to give him alot of time to think..
A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (4 February 2010):
 Trust has to be the cornerstone of every relationship. Without it, the foundation will crumble, and all that will be left is dust. Long distance relationships are VERY hard to maintain, I've been in one for over six years. Its all about trust and faith. I think when you are apart, your guy just feels left out, neglected, and starts feeling insecure and has all these negative feelings. I was exactly the same way, so I understand. You love the person, but yet you wonder what they are doing, who are they with, why don't they answer the phone right away..ect..ect...And my guy was like you, it hurt him so much thinking I thought he might be cheating, or just not into us. We had to talk it out, and I had to decide that I either trusted him, or I didn't. I think you need to have this talk with your guy. Let him know that it hurts you when he acts the way he does, and see if you can't work out something so that he feels more secure. For us, it was more phone calls and we starting using skype (with webcams). Being able to see him made me feel much better, its almost like being there with them. I hope this will help you. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): He might love you but he doesnt trust you. And his depression is probably caused by being away from you. Im not sure how you met but if it was online he may have chatted and dated many women and have a jaded view. As you have stated things are fine when hes with you and you plan to marry, suggest he moves to you now. Once he is with you all the time, he will relax and im sure things will be fine x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): I think your fiance is insecure, and not handling being in a long distance relationship very well. When you are together things are fine, but when you have to be apart again, he worries and becomes distrustful of you. I do understand his fears, as long distance relationships are difficult to maintain. But this is also unfair on you, and I can understand that you feel hurt. It isn't nice to be accused things by the person you love. Relationships are about trust, and it can be painful to realise that your partner struggles with that.
Have you talked to him about this? Maybe next time you see each other, you could bring this up with him. Tell him how hurt you feel that he doesn't trust you. He might not realise how it is affecting you, so if you tell him he might think about it more. If he struggles with depression that will make it harder for him to stay positive, and to get rid of any doubts. But he needs to realise that a relationship is based on trust from both sides.
Hopefully by talking to him about this, he might try to deal with his insecurities better. But if not, then I just don't think he is going to be able to cope with a long distance relationship. And if he has these fears, they may start to affect other areas of your relationship too. If he can't learn to trust you more, then I think things may remain difficult. Without trust...it is hard to keep things going. And there is no need for him to take it out on you. Hopefully he will see what he is doing, and things will improve. I hope it all goes well. x
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