A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I suppose I'm what you call, 'Friendzoned'. I've known this girl for 3 years, originally we were set up and met up on dates a few times. Nothing ever came to pass, we drifted apart, occasionally we'd pick up contact but nothing ever happened. We were just friends, at one stage she even asked me on a date, but I declined. We stopped talking after that, until this Summer. Started talking quite a lot, everyday, all day, we both had fairly lax offices allowing us to chat. Not sure when, or if I always had it but I developed a crush on her. It got really severe, eventually I told her. She only sees me as a friend though. It hurt.For some stupid reason I live in hope. Like that someday she'll change her mind. It's unhealthy, I know. But to me she's the most ideal person I've ever met. However, she is a dear friend, and I hope I can just see her as a friend. It seems to be getting easier, but I have lapses. I know most my friends would bluntly tell me to just move on and break contact. I have this unfortunate method of befriending people I like. Just each crush seems worse than the last, and ultimately you begin to wonder who can supersede the next! I suppose I shouldn't worry about that. Just continue to do what I want to do.So really... is it possible to ditch my feelings and just be a friend? Have you overcome your feelings? Is it possible for a man and woman to be friends?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): I was in the exact same situation not so long ago, so I guess the answer to your question will be as follows...Yes it is possible to be friends, however I feel that it is only possible when you let go of the hope that there is/will be something more than what it is. Sure it hurts when you've hoped that things would progress romantically between the two of you, but is friendship such a bad thing? I can see that her friendship means a lot to you and I'm sure she feels the same, so as hard as it may seem now, just concentrate on what you have rather than what you don't. We all crave what we cannot have, so my advice is to just work on letting go of that hope. In my situation, I did this by openly talking about my feelings to the individual involved and it really helped me establish closure/get over the hope of being with her, concentrating on hobbies, socialising with friends and meeting new people. It definitely is possible my friend. You've just got to allow yourself to be open to its possibility. Its by no means unfortunate that you befriend people you like. So do I, its only natural to want to be around people you like! It can only become problematic if you project false hopes onto the friendship. Good luck with it all!
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