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female
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anonymous
writes: Ok..I know I am a little old to be this stupid..BUT, I am in a "relationship" with someone 10 yrs younger. The sex is incredible but it also all we have. My question is how do I let go of somethng that has become addictive to me? I want him all the time and if we aren't making plans to have sex then we don't talk. I know it's an unhealthy relationship..but I can't stop. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2005): Keep him as a " boy-toy" and date other guys to find a serious relationship. This way, you will have the best of both worlds.
A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (29 August 2005):
Well, this "relationship" is very much inside inverted commas- really, from I can read it's more of a convenient arrangement? Correct me if I'm wrong.
If both parties are prepared to participate in this arrangement without desiring further commitment, then it could work for a temporary period. From what you've written though, I gather that you are wanting more out of a relationship than casual sex. This is completely understandable, and you seemed to have recognised this. You have acknowledged that this arrangement threatens to give you more trouble than joy.
However, this does not alter the fact that you have become "invloved" with a man who cannot, or will not provide you with a full, loving sexual relationship in return. For these reasons you see it necessary to terminate the arrangement. Though he evidently is using you blatantly for his own sexual desires, this does not alter the fact that over time, you have developed a connection to him. And this is what you are frightened of breaking. Plus the habit of seeing him, of course.
Ultimately, you deserve to be treat better than this guy can offer you- he only calls when he wants sex? Well that speaks volumes. Remind yourself of these facts when you are feeling weak and contemplating giving into his demands.
I think you would be wise to talk to him about this arrangement, and explain your position. If you truly want to terminate this arrangement (and it sounds like this is the best course of action for you) then you need to speak to him, and explain your reasons for wanting to finish this. I assume that he is aware of how he is treating you? In that case it shoudn't come as a huge surprise to him.
Once you have finished this, avoid any contact with him. Do not answer his calls- if you are absolutely convinced that the arrangement is going nowhere and he cannot commit, then you should avoid him at all costs to protect yourself and begin to get on with your life again.
Best of luck
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