A
female
age
41-50,
*rysdale
writes:Help! I just came back from the office Christmas party and feel really shaken. I am friends with this colleague at work, but casually and we don't see each other that much. But every time we meet I feel this very strange and strong sensation, to the extent that I wonder, what is going on here?? We are both married and I have never suggested anything to this guy at all. But still there are incredibly strong sensation it seems when we are together. We once traveled on a trip together and he talked about his wife non-stop and i also called my husband in front of him. I had the feeling he was trying to make a point. Anyhow, at the Christmas party, I didn't have my phone and asked to borrow his. He asked if I was going to call my husband. I said yes, but my husband didn't answer. I then tried again, and when he didn't answer the second time he got angry and said, "can't you see, he is not going to answer? This doesn't make sense." Anyhow, later at the party, he started pointedly talking about his wife again, and I said, "you are always speaking about your wife". And he said, "you need to be speaking more about your husband." I was very offended because he got so angry with me. What's his problem???
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female
reader, OliviaAna +, writes (18 December 2010):
 To keep things on a professional basis at work, avoid him at all costs. On a personal level, do the same. You sound like the interested half of this. Work on renewing your vows to your husband and stay focused on yuor marriage, not his.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): It sounds like you might have developed a sort of crush on him, if it bothered you, his going on about his significant other. His comment about your husband shows he is unwilling to "mess around"... despite the possibility of returned feelings for you. It is possible they don't exist; you can tell that better than I.
I would suggest not attempting to further this relationship into romantic realms if you value your husband's feelings and loyalty to him...
-Tante Victoire
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): Why do you even care to ask this question?
Answer that then you will have your own answer.
But since I'm here I'll do your thinking for you.
Because you obviously have a thing for him. Somewhere in your head you can see something (sexual) happening with him. If he meant nothing and you only see him infrequently then why would you even care to ask this question?
How would it look to you if your husband called you from some woman's phone you have no clue who it is? Why create any unnecessary suspicion when there is none...or perhaps in your case, your husband maybe should be concerned...if he knew.
There's obviously something going on or something lacking in your life.
Furthermore, if I was this 'acquaintance' of yours, why would I want some woman using my phone and that potentially getting back to my wife not to mention what your husband would think on why you're using some guys phone to call.
Continue on your current path if you're looking to cheat and/or considering breaking up your marriage.
Finally, in terms of why he is 'angry', aside from the reasons I already gave, he probably sees you as temptation and he rightfully should not appreciate your actions if he generally has his values and mind where they should, with HIS family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): This man has obvious feelings for you and he's being indirect with his communication. I think he wants to say, "hey, we're married and we have boundaries" and he illustrates that by talking about his wife, and by calling her in front of you. It's supposed to be a "hint". A deceptive hint, as it leaves you in limbo, as to what is going on between you two. He apparently doesn't have it in him to initiate conversation about drawing lines. If I were you I'd be ever so cautious around this guy simply for the basic reasoning that a) you work together and b) you're married.Both have significant implications and risks involved. I'd pull him aside, at work if you can. Because outside meeting for coffee or that innocent workplace "happy hour" shows interest and you dont want him to get the wrong impression. Addressing the matter in the workplace could be seen as more professional and also may show him where your priorities lie, because it's more of a serious atmosphere. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): Perhaps he is worried that you are a temptation and he's trying to push you away. He's obviously happily married and not interested, so just distance yourself from him. Whatever it is you are feeling for him, isn't shared.
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