A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years. Our sex life started well, but then dwindled to once a month at most. I have always liked the thought of her being with someone while I watched, and we used that to turn ourselves on for a while. She eventually said she was bored of this, but I still used it for masterbation. Then we were talking once and we got on to her past sexual experiences. This turned me on SO much. She was telling me matter of factly, not to turn either of us on. I hid that it turned me on, and even pretended I didn't like it. Since, I have let slip that it turned me on hearing about the one night stands. She was not happy so I can't tell her they all turn me on. I want to hear about them so much. Am I weird? Why do I feel like this? Does anyone else feel like this?
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her past, one night stand, sex life, sexual past Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys (well most of you), some good advice.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 It's pretty much as Odds describes, I guess. It's not exactly uncommon - I can testify that a few men I've known have been turned on by the thought and with my present partner, well, it's not just a 'thought'...
That said, a lot of women would not like the concept since it indicates (to them) a lack of respect on your part and also a lack of 'manliness', perhaps - that primordial cave-man jealousy that women expect their men to have when it comes to sex.
You're not weird, but keep it to a fun fantasy for yourself, if your wife isn't OK with it, she isn't likely to get that way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): whats wrong with these people :D how can u like the idea of ur woman with some1 else while u watch !
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 December 2010):
 This is a cuckold fetish. Basically, it's triggering the instinct to screw a woman immediately after she's been screwed, during your last chance to impregnate her (obviously a tremendous oversimplification, but you can research the more in-depth stuff on your own if you're curious). Porn partly works on that mechanism. It's just stronger in you than in most. It's uncommon, but not unheard of. I've heard from one friend how revolted he was to find that he was mad enough to kill his girlfriend for cheating, and turned on at the same time.
You're not "wrong" to feel however you feel about her past. Unless the writer below was being sarcastic (tough to tell in text), I'm a bit perplexed as to why anyone could consider you an insensitive asshole, or why you should be ashamed. Emotions are not under our control, and we bear no responsibility for them, only for how we express them. You sound like you tried to control your response to minimize her discomfort, so bravo.
So, she doesn't like it, so you know you have to avoid rubbing it in her face. If she asks, be honest but discreet - women can lose respect for guys who seem to like the thought of them with others - but continue to be careful for her feelings, as you have been.
I'd be concerned for the slow pace of your sex life, given her past, but that's a seperate issue entirely.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): If you feel any differently about her past then she does, then you are wrong. This is what I have learned from reading Dearcupid lately.
It doesn't matter if you feel more bothered by it, less bothered by it, you don't care to hear it and she wants to tell it, you want to hear it and she doesn't want to tell it, etc. The specifics can vary but the opinion of the answers from the crowd is all the same. Any difference in opinion means the man is automatically the insensitive asshole who should be ashamed of himself for how he is reacting to this terribly sensitive issue for women. There is no right answer for you except to shut the hell up and be fine with however she handles it.
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