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female
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anonymous
writes: How can you tell whether an ex is being just polite or interested in a friendship?I was unofficially seeing a guy for 6 months. It ended in May. We worked together in the same office and sat 5 metres apart, hence it was a very difficult situation.We felt it moved too quickly in the beginning cos we were not friends first, as soon as we saw each other, we wanted each other. Anyway we seemed to go around in circles and after a few months I got frustrated cos I wanted more and he wasn't sure. Then I started putting on the pressure so he said we will never be more than friends.....a few weeks later we started getting close again but it wasn't all about sex. Frequent smses, going to the dept store together, going to the park for a jog etc. I decided not to question it and just to see what happens...well after 4 more weeks we seemed to get closer and closer and he admitted it was hard being friends when we clicked and shared the same outlook on life. The last week we were close he wanted to see me 4 nights after work (not to stay the night but just to spend time with)....at this stage it was about 6 months since we had met. I didnt want to put the pressure on so I said, well you said that we will never be more than friends and it is getting very intense, I think it is best if we have lots of space and end whatever we have. He was really sad but agreed that maybe if I had of met him in 2 years. He was 26 and I was 24.We had space and 2 weeks later I saw another girl through the window of his flat! He admitted he had been seeing her for 2 weeks...since the time iI had ended it! Obviously I was hurt and shocked and he was awkward and defensive and our friendship ended. He said it was best to go our separate ways and have no further contact.We did run into each other a few times over the first 6 weeks and whilst we were always polite, it was awkward.At the end of Sept my friend said he was asking about me. Two weeks later he went up to another friend and asked about me but never contacted me. I then went on holiday for a month.Last week I emailed him just to touch base and ask what he was up to and how he was. I didn't disclose any details of myself apart from things about my holiday - I kept my email very general. He wrote back a few days later saying what he was up to etc. It was about a paragraph. He didnt ask me any questions......so I am not sure what to think? Did he reply just to be polite or is he being friendly but guarded?Please advise.....
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (7 December 2005):
 Sorry to sound crude but this guy doesnt know whether to go for a shit or a hair cut? You are wasting valuable time on this man.He just wants to be friends,he knew how you felt but he still played mind games with you,going out together etc.If i was you i would forget him,yes he responded to your email but that was out of politeness.He probably got a buzz out of you been interested in him but didnt want to take it further.Forget him.
A
female
reader, jest21 +, writes (7 December 2005):
I think you are both a bit confused about your relationship. You should really think about what you want from this relationship - a)if you actually want to be just friends or b)if you want more. That is the crucial question here. It's a decision you have to take -- and soon. a)If you want to be just friends, then you know you were over reacting to his 'friend' in the flat, and you should tell him and you shouldn't break up his relationship with the new girl. ASk him if he still wants to be friends.b)If you actually want more from the relationship, go talk to him - first find out whether he really likes her - and if he's in love with her, move on. Don't be a relationship breaker -- and DON"T LEAD HIM ON.If not, you're lucky, try and salvage the relationship, ask him if he feels the same way. Tell him you need to know if he has feelings for you, and if so, you are willing to give it a shot. If he doesn't want to be more than just friends (very few guys would say that) decide whether you can handle that or if you'd prefer not to associate with him if it would bring you more pain. Hope this helps.
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