A
female
age
26-29,
[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?]
writes:Attention beautiful ladies of the world, you don’t need a man to be happy. You can be happy with just about anything. Whether it’s fixing your hair real nice, doing your makeup, or going out in the fresh air. Doing something that you love can be just as amazing. It doesn’t mean you’ll be “alone”, you’ll never be alone. So quit thinking you need someone to be in a relationship with to defy your theory. We are all capable of our own happiness, sure another person to make us happy is always wonderful. Imagine making yourself happy though, your very own calling. The younger generations I’ve noticed all seem to want love and everything romance. What we forget to see are the contributions we can achieve without having a partner. There is so much more yet to be discovered and much more than heart break and other things that we can worry about later down the road. I am a teen myself, though I will be 20 in a few years. I am not worried about finding someone just yet. I mean, maybe some time later or if it happens, it happens. But it doesn’t define me! Nothing does, I’m undefinable as much as you all are. And to the guys, you don’t need a girlfriend or a boyfriend or anything to make you complete, you do that on your own. We are all independent, we don’t need to grow dependent on something we may lose. Let’s not get into all of that though, we are the ones in charge of our own ways of thinking, it’s deciding what we want that’s the hard part. Just know that you don’t need that to survive, you’re surviving now aren’t you? That doesn’t make you any less of a being. You are loved and can do anything, just in the meaning. Live your life and don’t just exist. Reply to this Article
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reader, Abella +, writes (6 November 2015):
 A wise article.
I agree with your premise, especially in the teen years. And sometimes beyond that too.
An education is important - focusing on that as a teen is very important. It will open doors and opportunity in the future.
Having a permanent partner can close off options too soon if it stops you from reaching for important life goals first.
Lack of sufficent funds in a relationship or lack of adequate budgeting or financial goals that are mis-aligned can damage a relationship.
Far better to live within a budget and save regularly and build up a nest egg for the future. It cushions the blow when faced with unanticipated expenses.
When we have some hobbies and the time and money to spend on hobbies it can enrich our lives.
When, instead, a couple can barely find the money for rent, transport and groceries and hardly a cent spare for any leisure activities then life itself must seem bleak.
If you are a teen then there is still another 20 to 25 years to find a life partner. That a whole lot of years ahead to find adventure, see new places, experience some interesting things and enjoy life
Though sometimes a lack of self confidence leads to people accepting a lesser relationsh than they deserve. It hurts them.
.
To improve self:
First and foremost is the need to value and respect one's self.
Such that one has some standards, some lines that cannot be crossed and such that one is aware of what one will tolerate and what one will not put up with either.
When I also say that's it's important to love one's self I don't mean to arrogantly swan around thinking that one's self is superior.
That is exactly what is not ok.
My philosophy is to follow the I'm OK : You're OK too philosophy.
I am not superior to you.
I am not inferior to you.
You are not superior to me
You are not inferior to me.
Instead I respect you.
You and I are just a good as each other.
You and I have hopes and dreams.
You and I care about others and You and I want people to succeed.
However one does meet people who think they are superior in every respect to everyone else.
No one matters as much as they think they matter.
They think They're OK and that no one else is OK.
It gives them an unjustified superior attititude towards others and a sense of entitlement.
I feel sad that they are so deluded.
Then there are those who think everyone else is superior to them.
That's You're OK and I'm not OK.
I pray that one day they'll find a way to develop more self confidence in themselves and reach for goals they can achieve. Because they do have more to offer than they think.
That leaves the people who need support in the community.
That's the I'm not OK and you're not OK. Thet see the world through a haze of challenges that seem mountainous and unachievable. They deserve our compassion and consideration, for their lives are bleaker than those who are blessed can ever imagine.
When it comes to relationships hasten slowly, assess as you go along.
Look at the actions not the words of a person.
The actions tell you far more than the words.
Though if the words are cruel or deliberately unkind or worse seek to humilate then you are facing a toxic person.
Always limit contact with a toxic person for their disrespect cannot enrich your life. Their toxicity seeks to degrade or hurt or undermine or humiliate you.
No one deserves such abuse.
Such a pity that the toxic abusive person fails to realize these truths.
Which brings me to having a loving partner in your life.
Never be in a rush to attach yourself too soon to a partner.
If it is meant to be then there is time to develop a connection slowly.
Instead use the time to observe and interact with a person as you get to know them.
If a partner respects and cares about you then they will be patient and caring as you get to know them.
Whereas threats and ultimatums and unreasonable demands have no place in a loving relationship.
Faced with no partner versus a partner who causes you unhappiness and pain, hurts you and humiliates you?
Then this is where my philosophy is that
NO partner is better than ANY partner if the ANY partner abuses you, hits you, steals from you, humiliates you or attempts to psychologically or sexually abuse you. Nor should you put up with ANY partner who spreads lies about you, seeks to manipulate you for their own advantage, is unfaithful, undermines you or deliberately lies to you.
Do something good for you every day. Then you'll know that one good person who deserves to be treated well has been treated well at least once today.
Once you start treating yourself respectfully you'll find that others are more likely to treat you with more respect too.
Never be afraid to seek counselling. It's like a regular tune up. Even one or two sessions can help clarify your focus and help you set new goals that best support what is truly important to you.
I liked your wise good post. It was well thought out and a credit to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2013): I agree with some of the things you said. When I was eleven I had lost my mom and things were never the same for me. As a child you have your parents love and protection. As I got into my teen years I was basically a tomboy and hated boys.All that changed when I developed and they were noticing me more when I entered the seventh grade. I had a strict upbringing and didn't have anyone to tell me about boys, and my dad was controlling but did his best to raise me. I always felt like he wasn't there for me and all his attention was toward my stepmother and her family. When I went to college all I could think about was finding a guy to marry and get away from all of it. In my twenties, I hooked up with a guy who was my first, and my first love. Even though it was a FWB situation I felt like I needed him to make me happy. He taught me how to let go sexually and I couldn't break away from him. I thought I would crumble without him. We eventually just lost contact. Most of the men in my life never truly made me happy. I was raped by a boyfriend twice and an acquaintance once and I had to recover from that through counseling. And I was sexually assaulted by a few boys in school and molested by a relative. I did take a break from men but always felt like I needed a man in my life. I wanted to be loved so badly. I was looking for it until I met a man, I was 30 and we got married. Things were good at the beginning but for a few other reasons we are divorced but we are still friends. Now, I am currently dating and I realize that my time alone should be spent making myself happy like you mentioned, doing your hair and makeup. I have been good to myself in that way but I am in therapy to talk about why I still feel that I need a man in my life to make me happy.
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