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Never thought there's something I wouldn't want us to talk about but his talk of a dramatic event unsettled me

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Question - (29 August 2019) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 September 2019)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years and we love spending time together and talking about all kinds of stuff, there are no taboos.

I have noticed that some friends of mine are so terrified by issues related to global warming. They prefer to pretend that all is fine and continue living as if nothing were going on. A few months ago, one friend has freaked out and asked another friend not to speak about pollution, warming and other issues when her 8 month old twins are around. I guess she didn’t want to ask not to bring this up when she was around…

Anyway, a few days ago, my husband asked me if I was aware of the possibility (due to the climate changes, financial crisis and political instability) that we might meet with a violent end. He was serious, as it turned out, since he had a lot to say on the subject.

What surprised me was how upset this made me. Really, REALLY upset. The idea that we might live to see another civil or any kind of a war freaked me out up to the point that I felt like screaming at him to stop talking about it. I didn’t. I sounded calm, but I did try to cut the conversation short. I tried to manipulate him into changing the subject. It didn’t work. So I just listened with a concrete ball in my stomach.

I don’t know how to get over this. Whenever I think

about it, I have this feeling of unease that makes me totally understand the friends I mentioned who do not want to talk about global warming. I just never believed I would ever have something I didn’t want to talk about.

I think it would be stupid to ask my husband not to bring this up ever again. I know he would respect my wishes and I know that he wouldn’t think I am weak. But by doing this I would be only feeding the fear.

So I’m kind of stuck…

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2019):

Our mates are the people we vent to and confide in. Some things you can sit-on. Some you can sweep under the rug. There are other things; if you don't express them out-loud, you'll explode!

I think your husband is a well-informed individual who watches a lot of the news; and his mind is rich with information that he feels he should share with you. You may not watch the news, or prefer not to be involved in politics. Ignoring our environment, what's happening to our freedom, and taking nature for granted is why the environment has been seriously damaged. I don't know where you're from; but America is seriously divided by bigotry and ignorance. That, on-top of totally destroying our ecosystems and wildlife habitats for mining. Drilling for fossil fuels, and cutting-down forests to raise upscale housing developments.

Now everyone wants to pretend like everything is fine. Well, it isn't!

We cannot hide from the truth. Ignorance and denial abound these days; while politicians outright lie to people! As a result, the most outrageous and most despicable characters now sit in the seat of power; and the last remnants of environmental-protections and reserves for wildlife are being stripped-away.

There is no outrage, just widespread nonchalance! People sit stunned and silent; while our democracy is being destroyed. Let alone the air we breath, the water we drink, and constant food-recalls; because they will sell us food that hasn't been properly inspected. No-one is held accountable, as long as it makes money!

The tropical rain-forests, that are the lungs of our planet, are being burned to clearway for cattle ranches!!! Pretending it isn't happening may be blissful, but it's not going away.

People have become irresponsible, indifferent, and show no outrage for what's happening to our planet. Dwelling on doom and gloom may make us uncomfortable; but it is what it is! The lack of political-outrage and indifference killed 6 million Jews. Nazis terrified a group of people, while everyone pretended it wasn't happening. Even now call it a hoax! On our borders, little kids are snatched from their parents and placed in cages! Lets close our eyes and put our hands over our ears; and pretend it isn't happening!

Our fresh waterways and oceans are becoming filthy. The water you drink could be contaminated; and the agencies that protect you are being systematically dismantled. You don't even know what's in bottled-water; or if it isn't the same water you run from the tap! The scariest thing is; gun-owners are more concerned about protecting the right to bear arms! Don't get me started there! Another mass shooting happened today!

You can muzzle your husband, if that will make you feel better. It's still happening as we go about our self-centered lives; as if nothing is happening.

It's uncomfortable to talk about; so lets pretend it isn't happening. As a Christian, I remain at peace. I place everything in God's hands. We messed-up the world He gave us; and entrusted in our care. From a biblical-standpoint, I know what's happening and why. That makes no difference to nonbelievers and scoffers; so I won't go there. Not because I'm ashamed to; but because it's a different topic altogether!

I vote according to my conscience, I fact-check, I question authority, and I demand action from those I entrust to be my political voice. I also try to stay informed. Yet I'm at peace; because I trust in God, not man. I try to do what God instructs me to do; and I want to take responsibility for our planet. I don't plan to close my eyes, shut my mouth, and pretend it's not happening.

You share responsibility for the planet we live on; and obviously your husband doesn't intend to carry the burden alone!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2019):

I am the OP.

Thank you SO MUCH for your replies!

I really forgot what it was to be really active and a part of something.

I spent my youth in the streets, demonstrations, organizing gatherings... and then life happened.

I'll find a way to start volunteering. I need to feel connected and active. Que sera, sera...

I'll try not to freak out the next time my husband starts talking about a war :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2019):

We do all need to be aware of what is going on in the world so that we can be a part of making it better and safer for future generations, if we bury our heads in the sand the damage is left to cause more damage until repairable. For example: Plastic ..only because of awareness do I now do my bit. I live at the sea side so when I see plastic waste I pick it up so it does not get washed back out to see again, It would be unfair to leave it. We are all part of humanities tapestry and have contributions we can make.

This does not mean we have to live in fear because throughout all time the world has had conflicts and different problems that humanity has experienced.

We all have different ideas and thoughts about where we think our planet is heading, but know one really knows so if we do our bit in what ever area we believe we can help then that has to be a positive move.

To close our eyes and ears lets evil rule, find your warrior spirit and fear nothing and pass this strength onto your children so that they can believe in something positive and make a difference. For example: you could make them strong in not getting sucked into all the negative computer games, and glued to mobile phones, get them to have pen friends so they never loose their ability to write letters and communicate with others.

Teach them the old ways , gardening, cooking, herbs for healing, NATURE, life in a natural world.

Please stop worrying about the world and make positive thoughts to heal it.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (30 August 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIt is sensible and natural to fear something which could harm you and your loved ones. It is ingrained in every living creature, animals and humans alike. It is what our survival instincts are based upon. We would all be extinct by now if we had no fear.

It is, however, also human nature to shy away from things we find uncomfortable, hence why social media now have to warn when a photograph or video depicts something graphic, so that people can choose for themselves whether they want to see it or not. You can't force people to face their fears. Some (many?) are just not ready, willing or able to do so. Many use denial as a coping mechanism when something is just too fearful or painful to consider or acknowledge. Admitting that something which could destroy our planet is no small fear which we can condition ourselves to not find fearful, like a phobia of spiders, for example. This is a real threat to our lives you are talking about and there is no logical or rational way to make it manageable.

I share your fear. My heart bleeds for what the human race is doing to the planet or, more precisely, what the GREEDY minority of the human race is doing to the planet. Part of fear is a feeling of helplessness. For me, it helps to try to make an active contribution towards redressing the balance. I eat very little meat. I refuse to buy from companies whose ethics I do not share. I read and research about companies which source their products in ethical ways. I try to talk to others about my beliefs to get them thinking and doing their own research.

There are many others out there who feel the same as you do. Increasingly those people are making their voices heard. For instance, there was an "Extinction Rebellion" protest in Manchester today which shut down the main road leading through the city. Would you feel more in control and empowered if you joined a group which made you feel like you had a say in our futures? This is not something which is going to go away unless good people stand against the evil ones who really don't care.

Make a difference. Take back power. Be strong.

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A female reader, KeW United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2019):

KeW agony auntHello there,

You have every right to be worried about environmental damage and the future of our planet. There's not a whole lot individuals can do on a grand scale, but there are quite a lot of little things you can get into the habit of doing to help as much as you can. When you know you're doing what you can, it can ease your fear because you know you're doing the best you're able to combat the issues.

Where possible, you can use public transport instead of your car, you can swap to BIODEGRADABLE (not just "degradable") products, you can use fewer products with plastic or environmentally harmful packaging, use less electricity/water/heating/etc. Look online to see how to be "no waste and plastic-free", then just do what's possible for you, as completely waste and plastic free is almost impossible for most people.

With regards to friends, you can't force it on them, but you could encourage them to do the best they can by recommending environmentally-friendly products you find.

As for your husband, next time he brings it up, tell him you'd prefer talking about it in a positive light about how to adapt the way you both live to reduce your negative impact and help in the ways you can.

It's negligent for people to allow themselves to live ignorantly or in denial, but fearing the worst doesn't help either. You have to accept the facts and do what you can to help.

Best wishes!

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