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female
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anonymous
writes: my husband of 2yrs frequently receives calls from females, and when i question him about them, he just says, oh, it's a friend i ran into from before i met you. this really bothers me, and i've told him about it. but it still keeps happening. he swears he's doing nothing wrong, but if he's not, why would he keep trying to contact these other females? by the way, he's 29, and i'm 41. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2006): He isn't doing anything wrong. The thing is, unless he's phoning them for lustful purposes, I don't see a point why he should stop. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can talk to him about it, and you have.
There's something I've learned even at this 'youthful' age, is that by limiting someone's freedom, I am limiting their happiness. If they cheat on me, then it means that our relationship wasn't good in the first place. I can rage, rant, and cry my eyes out, but ultimately, free from the chains of jealousy, if his heart is not with you EVEN if you bar him from talking with other women, then his heart will never be with you, even if you force your will on him.
As you probably know, a huge part of an intimate relationship is through communication. Try to strike up conversations with him - meaningful ones, sentimental ones, silly things, day to day, etc. Maybe you two need to experience more together. Take a trip, go somewhere, explore the world, explore each other.
Many relationship woes are due to the stress and limitations of freedom upon partners. Mind you, there are of course other detailed factors, but you must strike a balance in your mind of how to deal with this. Only your personality can make the decisions to do what you want, and not what anyone else says/suggests.
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